A million questions are roaming in the back of your head ever since the day he left. There’s this indescribable pain in your chest that makes your stomach crumble every time someone mouths his name or whenever he crosses your mind. Tears rush through your beautiful hazel eyes, causing your vision to blur out and the next thing you know you are on your knees in the bathroom floor sobbing endlessly as if every air in your body is trying to break away.
There’s not a day that passed that he didn’t cross your mind, you are aware that he is long gone, taking your smile away and leaving you with this heavy feeling in your chest as if a knife was puncturing your heart. He left you with a hundred question that you’ve been trying to find the answer to, you’ve already tried to answer these questions may be a million times over. You’ve already beaten yourself up as if you decided to end things. You tried to figure out what went wrong, you played all the scenario in your head stripping down every memory you two shared, and it almost felt like you were trying to solve this great tragedy searching for clues and evidence trying to prove to yourself that you could have prevented this tragedy from happening.
That’s the funny thing about closure; you crave it like it is a forbidden fruit that you can never get a taste of, you want it, but it’s something that some of us can never have. You want it as if someone took it away from you. The closure you ask for is a series of unanswered questions that keep you up at night; it is a series of questions you demand an answer to, and you need it from the person who caused you this pain. Some are lucky enough to receive the closure they’ve been longing. However, some of us are still looking and waiting for one.
You look for the closure that your heart needs to the person who caused you this pain. The pain that made you buried yourself in the bed while tears are rolling down your rosy cheeks. The pain that makes your stomach crumble as if all the butterflies that he made you feel are slowly dying. It made you question your worth, I’ve been there, and I know how it feels. It pains me that you have to ask what is your worth just because he’s not capable of giving you what you truly deserve. Just because you are still searching for it, it doesn’t mean that you will never claim the closure your heart genuinely deserve.
It takes time and patience to get the closure you never got from the person who broke you, as time goes by the pain they forced you to feel will fade away. You will eventually forget the heartaches and sleepless nights he left you in when that day comes one this is for sure. The man who broke you down to your core will eventually be forgotten. You will slowly replace the love he denied you and give this love to yourself. You are capable of moving forward without the person who held you down. The love you’ll pour unto yourself will be the greatest love you can experience.
I hope that when you do get the closure, you ask for I wished that it gives you the clarity and the peace of mind that your heart wants. I hope that it doesn’t leave you with more series of questions that you’ll be needing an answer to, I hope it heals the pain that he caused you.
I hope that even though he doesn’t give you the closure you ask for, I hope that when the time comes, you’ll be able to provide yourself with the love he refuses to give you. I hope that you can give yourself the closure you genuinely deserve even if it means that you have to give it to yourself without him. There’s a greater love that lives within you, and if he failed to give this love that you deserve, he was never meant to stay in your life. He is never deserving to be loved by someone like you, and I want you to remember that.