Remember when you installed that countdown application on your phone just so you could keep track of when he’s coming home? Then suddenly, it became the countdown of when to finally forget everything and move on.
As they say, nothing is ever sure in this world. I actually made an exemption. I was sure of you. I was certain that after months of waiting, it will all be worth it. I just did not know that you were not sure of me. Until it happened.
I can’t make it home turned into,
“I just need to be alone right now.”.
“I’m not sure anymore.”
“I can’t do this.”
“This isn’t what I wanted.”
“Give me time.”
“Yes, we’re breaking up.”
And just like that, you were gone. Was I too much that you started doubting yourself? Was I too certain you started to get scared? Or maybe the distance killed US. The distance killed you, specifically.
The upshots hurt the most. Waking up and checking for your phone’s messages that aren’t there, doing things on your own, crying yourself to sleep just because you heard the saddest song there is on earth, staying home cause going places will just remind you of him and you don’t want that. Waking up one day and when you’re about to call him, you just found out that you’re blocked from contacting them. It’s like starting from zero and you have no fucking idea how to begin again.
After months of finally convincing yourself, you somehow managed to be on your own. You hear stories from different people on what he’s up to now, where he’s at, what he snaps about. Still makes you cringe, though but unlike before that you’re THISCLOSE to killing him. Did I mention he still views your snaps and Instagram stories?
I promise you, one day you’ll wake up and you’re going to feel so empty. So bare, that you tell yourself to stop hoping that he will come back.
Stop making illusions that he’s just lost, enough of the nonsense excuses he all made up that made you expect in the first place. He’s not coming back because he found someone else.
That’s what your friends are trying to tell you ever since but you keep denying that to yourself because he’s your best friend, he won’t do something like that.
It will hit you, that it will never be the same cause HOME is HIM alone─ HOME isn’t with you but to someone who’s there with him physically. And you can’t give him that because you’re thousands of miles away from him. I’m sorry you have to find out in the most hurtful way. Yes it hurts, but isn’t that what we all need?
A closure just so we could begin again.