Everything I Realized After You Left Me

Everything I Realized After You Left Me
Allan Filipe Santos Dias

After that night, I can still feel the pain of not having you anymore. It still hurts, deeply. I’m still longing for your touch. I still search for you in the crowd. Somehow, you are the best lesson that life has bestowed upon me. You are a great teacher, always.

I realized that I’m not your cup of tea. I remember how you told me that my attitude sucks. You easily lost your temper over petty issues. You always demanded that I should change the way I act. You wanted me to fit in with the society when all I wanted was to be inside your world.

I realized that you can’t handle me. Whether I’m in my mood swings or childish tantrums, you always chose to get mad. Seeing me cry does not affect you at all. You always hate my drama. You’re always annoyed with my jealousy. You never gave me the assurance that I needed. You never secured my heart. All that’s left was a room full of doubts, fears, and insecurities.

I realized that I’m not your happy pill. You never let me be. I am always trying to give you the whole world. But then, you’re too busy exploring other planets. You find me plain and boring. I see the thirst for adventure in your eyes and yet, you’re not willing to explore the universe with me.

I realized how you have let me down. I was a never a priority, I was just an option. I was your last resort. You were never a man of your word. You always gave promises that you tended to forget. You always get my hopes high then you’ll let me drop without giving a parachute. You were drowning me in your ocean of uncertainty. Without knowing it, you killed me, many times.

I realized how much you took me for granted. You were a master of the games you played. The scenario stays the same. There are days when you make feel loved. Eventually, you’ll commit the same wrongs. I always forgave you whenever you asked for it. You had your chance and yet, you always ruined it. The cycle went on and on. You were my favorite mistake. Yes, you were and you will never be again.

I realized that you weren’t really in love. You just loved the idea of being in love. You are overwhelmed with the attention that I gave you. As you saw me loving every piece of you, you were slowly breaking every piece of me. You were the destruction I never expected. You were the hurricane that blew me away. You were my catastrophe.

Now, I have reached the point where I have finally realized my worth. I am worth more than a river of tears. I deserve a love that will get better every day. I deserve someone who will treat me right. Our game is finally over.

No more chances, no more restarts. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

A 20-something who seeks genuine happiness.

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