So this post is not going to be one of my hard-hitting journalism pieces (you know the ones that are basically the only reason people go on Thought Catalog)—no, today I’m going to do something different—I’m gonna post a Reddit thread, cuz I’m cool and original like that!!
So, I found these comments on a thread asking British people what they thought about Independence Day, cuz, you know, they lost and were sent home by the Founding Mothers. OK, here we go:
1. Wanker ‘oliday!
“Orright m8? First off all I fink that fourth of July is a fockin’ wanker ‘oliday! Me Newcastle m8s Gavin and ‘Arry fink all youse Yanks are fockin’ gally globbernots and fannyfudgers”
2. Barmy, dirty cunts!
“Fokk ur fourth of July. America is still a bloomin’ colony innit? If not, I fink we should fokken take it back, ur country is fokken barmy anyway yer dirty cunts”
‘Ow many foken ‘olidays do you poofters got, always faffin about, first Fanks Giving and now dis? PAFFE’IC!
Top of the morning to guvna, I fer one fink dat it’s a good fing that the US isn’t a part of the commonwelf. I am ‘appy bout their independence, coz I want that sinking codswallop ship to stay as far away from our welfy and fokken ‘istoricaly rich fokken nation as possible
6. Wot the fok did ye just say 2 me mam m8?
4th of fokken wot m8? wot the fok did ye just say 2 me mam m8? i dropped out of newcastle primary skool im the sickest bloke ull ever meet & ive nicked ova 300 chocolate globbernaughts frum tha corner shop. im trained in street fitin’ & im the strongest foker in tha entire newcastle gym. yer nothin to me but a cheeky lil bellend w/a fit mum & fakebling. ill waste u and smash a fokin bottle oer yer head bruv, i swer 2 christ. ya think u can fokin run ya gabber at me whilst sittin on yer arse behind a lil screen?
“Bugger off ya Yanky cunts. Cheers”
8. Not many people know that
“I ‘ate fouff of July, and I ‘ate Mericans, not many people know that
“4th of July? HA! FOOOOOOOOOKKEN POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFS”
12. Hugh Grant
“I’m chuffed about 4th of July coz I live in the US and there’s allways so much munted minge to get me teef in, especially in the wee ‘ours, I just ‘ave to pretend I’m Hugh Grant and what ‘ave you and then I’m fokken in m8″
Bonus: An Australian wanted to chime in:
“Is America independent? That’s heaps good ayeeeee, Americans are so fucking loud ayyyyeeee, wouldn’t want them to be a part of the Commonwealth. Put a shrimp on the Barbie maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate”
Wow. Just. Wow. I didn’t understand much, but I think they’re angry at us. All the more reason to call it “Kick a Brit Day.” Anyway, before I leave you to enjoy the 4th of July, I have a patriotic quote for you to take in:
Freedom isn’t free
No, there’s a hefty fuckin’ fee
And if you don’t throw in your buck ‘o five
Oo, buck ‘o five
Freedom costs a buck ‘o five
OK, that’s all. Kbye.