Sorry girls, I’m blowing our cover. I am about to tell everyone that we are bitches. Let’s be real.
Recently Tony Baker wrote a piece called “The Only Piece of Advice You’ll Ever Need for Dealing with Nice Guys,” and thank God he did. In it he basically gave the best advice for dealing with unwanted attention that I have ever heard: saying “no.” Now, as often happens, the comments were like a whole ‘nother conversation altogether, and it was one that I think needs to happen. Let’s talk about how shittily us girls treat nice guys.
One commenter made the (valid) point that Tony didn’t address a very key issue in the nice-guy goes for uninterested girl conundrum, which is that girls actually like hanging out with guys that like them, even if they don’t like them back. Well, Sherlock, that’s obvious. Let me put it another way: In girl world, it is perfectly reasonable to flirt with, go on dates with, and practically carry on an actual relationship with a guy that said girl isn’t even interested in for the sole reason that he gives her the attention she craves, craves more than anything in the world. In girl world, there is an unspoken yet universal truth that girls will hang out with any guy that gives them attention. In other words, girls like complaining about the guy that just won’t stop texting them, the guy that asks them out like every other week, and the guys who gives “super inappropriate” valentines gifts, because they have carefully fostered this relationship to give them a reason to complain. Take it from an insider; I’ve had four relationships that I knew I was in just because it gave me something to talk about.
Before I go any further, let me distinguish the two types of girls in the world. There are bitches and there are nice girls. Each girl is not just one or the other; everyone is a bit of both, and can be different for different relationships. I think that the nice guys have had a monopoly on the market recently. What happened to the “nice girls?” Mostly, they have been confined under the “shy girl” label, but all extroverts are not bitches, and not all shy girls are nice girls.
For a quick definition, a bitch is a girl who really, really needs attention. So much do these carnivores thirst for attention that they carefully foster relationships purely for the attention generation potential. These are usually the girls that seem like exactly what you want right off the bat. News flash: nobody is exactly what you’re looking for. If they seem like they are, then they’re looking to catch you, not to actually show you who they are. If you’re caught, you will be in a limbo relationship, where you will inevitably fall for them and they will act like they are sort of in to you, and will say you guys have something special, but you will find out eventually that they dated, like, three other people while you two were “talking.” If a girl isn’t ready to commit to you, or if she say’s “she just isn’t ready” but never gives you an expiration date: bitch. If she just got out of a relationship and says that “she has feelings for you but just can’t handle a real relationship right now”: bitch. If she fools around with you but won’t hold your hand in public: bitch (unless, of course, you already established a FWB status. But the key is establishing something together). If her texting is just about as consistent as her hair color, or if she texts you at random times and ignores you at equally random times: bitch. You are not a light switch, and you don’t actually want to be with a girl who thinks you are. I promise you don’t.
Having some bitchy qualities is not always negative though. There is nothing wrong with going out with a guy just because you need some lovin’. Sometimes you have to know what you need and go and get it. There is something wrong when you continue to flirt and do what you do to keep him interested when you’re really…not. Don’t do that. That’s mean.
So who is a nice girl? A better question is what does a nice girl do or doesn’t do that a bitch does? A nice girl has integrity. She acts out what she says. She’s the real deal, and she won’t play with you heart. She may seem bitchy when she doesn’t respond to your calls, or when she turns you down, but what she is really saying is “I value you enough as a human being that I won’t treat you like a play toy to pick up and then ditch whenever I want to.” Unfortunately, whenever an interest that goes beyond friendship is expressed, it ruins the friendship. You either get together or your friendship takes a break until things cool off. The good news is that friendships aren’t ruined forever, and things can always be resolved.
In general though, there are a few outcomes to an expression of affection: you both like each other and there is general merriment and lovey-doveyness. One likes the other and the other is not interested, but the uninterested one wants to get the most out of this opportunity and exploits the other’s emotions to get attention and validation without actually having to commit to anything. Or, one likes the other and the other is uninterested, and the uninterested one tells the other person that they are not interested, and, as Baker suggests, says “no” to the inevitable opportunities to exploit.
Guys, just understand how easy you make it for us to be bitches. You’re not being mean when you don’t take no for an answer, but you are being a bit stupid.
Girls, I know we crave attention, but let’s graduate from the high school drama and have actual relationships based on genuine mutual interest and affection.