Real Love Should Be Effortless

Jakob Montrasio
Jakob Montrasio

Love is…funny. It’s two random people becoming obsessed with each other’s existence to the point of insanity. Isn’t that funny? How is it possible that two people can find each other, fall in love, and not get bored of each other? It’s so crazy and bizarre that it makes me laugh. Honestly, I don’t know much about love. I mean what is there to know when you’re 17, right? The only thing I know is what I see every day. Every day I see my mom get up in the morning and criticize my dad’s choice for a tie but then go downstairs and make him some breakfast. Then I see my dad always picking her up from work and complimenting her on her outfit. Yes of course they argue all of the time over the classic, “You can’t wear that, we’re going to a fancy dinner!” or the “Why is it that you never let me speak, woman!”

There is a lot of miscommunication and struggle for compromise, however, in the end, it all comes down to the little things.

The little things like making the coffee and bringing it up to her while she’s still in bed or offering to take the kids to school so he won’t be late for work. Of course, in every relationship there’s that initial “lovey-dovey” phase where you want to force yourself to spend every second of the day with them and where you can’t stop the PDA because you’re just “so in love;” which from my standpoint as a prom date-less 17 year old makes me want to vomit. Of course you need those little moments in the relationship where you act spontaneously and grab the girl by the waist making her hormones spiral out of control, but the love that I admire the most is the love that is effortless. That kind of love that you have when you’re married and you ask each other how each other’s day was. That kind of love where two people make commitments and then fulfill them. That is the love that lasts. That is what real love is.

Real love surpasses the boundaries of physical attraction and excels in the development of a commitment to each other.

On your wedding day you don’t make a vow saying that you’re going to have sex with your husband as much as you can to keep the love “alive”, you make a vow that you will be by his side until the day he dies. That cliché kind of love that revolves around pleasure and sexual desire is the love that is amusingly sickening. It’s funny because there is no substance; there is only the external connection that blinds people from understanding that they are missing that spiritual bond that all relationships thrive on. In a few years they will realize there is nothing there but then it’s too late. They are standing at the altar already having recited a list of vows they don’t really understand. Their love never reached the point of real commitment and then during marriage they become overwhelmed with the work that real love entails.

My parents are married and love each other unconditionally. They do not realize how committed they are to taking care of each other and to maintaining that emotional bond that is required in every relationship. Their love is the kind of love that lasts. 60% of marriages end in divorce because people forget about commitments. They forget about how effortless it should be to support your partner no matter what. By seeing couples around me and observing their actions I’ve come to the realization that true love isn’t romantic or a result of the cutesy-names the two of you give to each other. It is not about the chocolates or flowers. True love is the willingness to fulfill your commitments and putting in the effort while making it seem completely and amusingly effortless. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I have two mottos: “Never say Never” and “Follow your Dreams.” Both extremely original.

More From Thought Catalog