Be the girl that’s cold and calculating. You have walls high and thick – practically impenetrable. Or so you think.
Enter a boy. He isn’t your usual type – he’s arrogant, overconfident, too flirty, and the two of you have nothing in common. You’re pretty sure that he will mean nothing to you.
Go out with him. You’ve been out on too many dates anyway, how could this one be different? Well, for one, he was good at it. He knew all the right cues and had all the right lines. He obviously dated A LOT, but so did you, and you easily got to shoot him down. This brought you closer and both of you started to feel at ease. He finally met a girl that wasn’t crazy, and you, well, you finally met someone that could actually hold your interest, someone that you actually wanted to get to know.
Let him kiss you. It will be a kiss that will send you reeling. A kiss that will make you ache for more. A kiss that will be the beginning of more kisses. A kiss that will leave you addicted.
Talk to him every day. Talk about each other’s day, talk about your families, talk about random facts about yourselves and future plans. Talk about anything and everything until you feel your walls start coming down.
Define the relationship. He’ll confirm with you that this is all a casual thing and you’ll agree. Feel your heart ache a little when he says this. Tell yourself that whatever you guys have isn’t real. Repeat until you believe it. (Spoiler alert: you won’t.)
Act like a couple. There will be pet names, hand holding, tight hugs, and endless kisses. Constantly joke about the status of your relationship. Start to believe him when he tells you that he enjoys hearing your voice and that he misses you all the time. Embrace the mixed signals. Learn to bask in the gray area.
Stop thinking. Realize that you’re still just a girl that wants a fairy tale ending. Pretend that it’s okay whenever he tells you about his other dates, about his Tinder matches, about his conquests. You’re the cool girl – you support his dating and yet, you still remain flirty and teasing.
Let this go on for at least a year. All your walls are down and you like him. Maybe it’s even close to love? You aren’t sure. What you do know is: the both of you are happy but at the end of the day, you want more. After all this time, he probably does too right?
Ask for more. He will tell you that he’s happy with what you have, why complicate things? Didn’t you guys agree in the beginning? You will courageously tell him how you feel and that you want more. He will sincerely apologize and say he can’t give you that. You will walk away and feel your heart break with every step.
Think of him constantly. You’re a sucker for nostalgia so you think of him every single day. You will look back on all the kisses, all the moments, and all the times that led you to believe that what you had was the real thing. They say that the pain associated with the almost-boyfriend hurts more than the one with the actual boyfriend. You will realize that this is very true indeed.
Go out with someone new. Compare them side-by-side. Realize that after all this time, even if the new guy is better, you still want him. Debate whether or not you should contact him again. (You shouldn’t.)
Heal. You will miss him once in a while. Especially when he drunk texts you. But please know that you’re beautiful and you deserve more than half-assed promises. Realize that there are so many guys out there who will appreciate your worth (you are a catch after all). All the heartaches you’ve had will lead you to something (and someone) definitely better.
Repeat the process. Realize that in a world where everyone’s afraid of vulnerability, it’s nice to get your heart broken once in a while. A few scars on the way to meeting the one for you aren’t so bad after all, right? It might even be worth it. So, put yourself out there and wear your heart on your sleeve. Don’t ever be afraid to feel things, especially love. It can be pretty fucking fantastic.