December 25, 2013 was a milestone for me.
It was the day I watched the last two installments of the Harry Potter series after more than a few years of moping and pushing that little DVD file around like unwanted veggies on a plate I’d soon have to clean (assuming I wanted dessert…which is always.)
But I finally mucked up that carpe diem spirit because the family dog had died that morning and, honestly, that tragedy pretty much overtook the “No more books or movies” tragedy I’d been dragging in my heart all this time.
Long ceremonial story cut short, I got past the films. But I’m not going to talk about them, except to say that watching that epilogue was twice as difficult for me. My spirits were already down in the dumps because I was about to be officially done with the series…and then they were pretty much kicked in the balls by the sweeping irreversible declaration that Harry ends up with Ginny and Hermione has to share a bed with Ron.
And then comes this little article.
It’s not about hope because, as we all know, things written in ink can rarely be undone. But it’s justice, ladies and gentlemen, and my Harmione heart can finally rest.
J.K. Rowling has made it official. She has said it. It has been written. It cannot be undone. Harry and Hermione should’ve ended up together, and she and Ron would definitely need marriage counseling as a couple.
Now let’s rock this list.
1. Do not be in a relationship just because you promised.
I’m all for promises, and for not making them when you’re either happy or angry. But I think a higher rule here should be to not make them just because you’re in love (at that moment.) It’s just like what J.K. said:
“For reasons that have very little to do with literature and far more to do with me clinging to the plot as I first imagined it, Hermione ended up with Ron.”
Because the thing about promises is that you always feel obligated to keep them, especially when you come to that turning point between stepping backwards or leaving every exit chance behind.
It’s unhealthy, and may very well cost you your happiness, which brings me to…
2. You should be happy, and your partner should only add to this happiness
Here’s what I’m saying: be happy alone before you try to be happy as a couple, because honestly, honey, unhappy feelings pre-relationship will come back to haunt you. You need to be able to smile on your own, for yourself, and for your own reasons.
Second, your partner should add to the happiness, not take from it. This is to say that relationships and partners do not exist to make you happy – they are people you can be happy with.
3. The best partners are great friends
You’re going to spend roughly the next thirty to fifty years sleeping next to this person, eating across from them at the table, and banging on the bathroom door for them to get the heck out. You’re going to need to be able to talk to each other, laugh at the silly stuff, talk about the fights and be able to look each other every morning in the face and not get bored.
And while people may argue that Ron and Hermione technically were best friends, Harry and her still had a better understanding of each other, and as that magical No-Ron moment in book 7 implied, each other’s needs.
4. While opposites do attract, support is key
Ron and Hermione had this sexual tension because they bickered a lot. Their bickering and arguing was matched by what some may call their love for each other. But you can’t live decades with another person constantly arguing about why you’re a blubberhead – or you at least can’t live happily.
Support will always be important to a relationship. You’re going to need to know that someone has your back, and not just because it’s their responsibility. That person is going to know when something is important to you, no matter how crazy it is, and they will jump on board because they know that you are the crazy and that they love you for it.