Why It’s Harder To Find Love When You Have Abandonment Issues

Every morning you wake up and think about who you are going to lose today. Every night you go to bed thinking if the people around you know what is going on in your head. You want to tell somebody but you fear that they will leave when they find out that you are ‘fragile’.

The fear of abandonment is a no laughing matter. Abandonment is the feeling of losing love or connection with someone you cared about. While most of us have experienced abandonment in some form or another, we all cope with our fears differently.

A person with abandonment issues is not necessarily someone who was abandoned by his parents as a child. It could be that friend with divorce parents that puts on a strong front or it could be that friend who was rejected by someone he or she has been crushing on for so long.

Seemingly happy and carefree individuals such as ‘the life of the party’ or a non-committal boyfriend/girlfriend may very well be suffering from the fear of abandonment. Not everything is always as it seems. Sometimes you need to look beyond the mask to see the real person. There are a few ways abandonment shows up in people’s lives:

1. You look for flaws

When you finally found someone who might be a good partner, you start looking for their faults. You look for what’s wrong instead of what’s right. Nobody ever breaks up with you because you don’t give them a chance. You’re always the one to leave.

2. People think you are reserved

It’s hard to get to know you. The REAL you. You are versatile and adaptable because you don’t want people to see the real you. You’re afraid that if you let someone in, you’ll be hurt again.

3. You love the chase

You’re really attracted to someone when they are chasing you or you’re chasing them. But once the reality sets in and you’re in the relationship, you start to withdraw emotionally and your partner starts to think they’ve done something wrong. There are days where you feel like you just don’t want to face the world because you just don’t know if things will ever be the same again.

4. You fall hard and fast

You’re always in a relationship because you don’t know how to be alone. The thought of being alone kills you.  You can’t do enough for your partner, and you’re a giver. Sometime you feel like your partner doesn’t appreciate you.

It’s not easy or fun living with abandonment issues. You want to get rid of it so badly. And there are some days where you managed to and some days you don’t but that’s OK because

It is a part of you.  You have to accept yourself before you can open up to those around you.