You Are My Soul Mate, And That’s Why I Had To Screw You Over

Flickr / Mario Pleitez
Flickr / Mario Pleitez

“You are my soul mate, and that’s why I had to screw you over,”

He said.

I’ve vaguely known him through mutual friends for about a year now. Something about him has always sparked my fancy, but I’ve heard mixed character analyses about him. He’s handsome, brilliant, an ambitious leader, some say.

He’s a nice guy, a phenomenal orator who can convince you the sky is green, and the Earth is square. He’s got the lightest brown eyes, and a cute, sly, smile that makes you always wonder what he’s thinking. But he’s also a narcissist, a womanizer, and a pathological liar, or so others claim. He’s jaded, slightly broken from past heartbreaks, and wholly emotionally unavailable.

“But what girl doesn’t like a challenge, right?” I reasoned.

Clichézz for dayzzzz:

“I’d fix him,” I thought. “I’d be the one to make him understand why things didn’t work in the past.”

I, like so many before me, thought I could be the reason he’d want to

change.

And I’m not sure if I’m wrong, because again, that whole pathological liar thing, but I think I challenged him more than he’d expected, and that scared him shitless. I, with my crazy adventure-seeking but morally grounded personality, my almost child-like inquisitive nature, and my inability to sit still or shut my mouth; I called him out on his shit. I went full crazy on him, and he loved it. He clung to my energy like a moth to a flame, and I can tell his interest was genuine.

I delighted in his intrigue, and wanted nothing more than to share my surplus crazy with him. That is, until I found out he choose to give himself to someone else over me.

The worst thing being, he wanted to use her as a practice run until he was ready for me.

Use. A human. Like an object.

When I found out and, naturally, called him on his shit, he said he has to choose her, because he only wants me…?
He said he’s not ready for me, and for what I can give him, and what I need from him. He’s immature, faltering to every fleeting fancy. He’s a child, and needs validation for his every move. He’s scared once I find out what he’s like in this stage of his life, before he’s ready for me, that I’ll leave and he won’t ever stand a chance again.

That’s horseshit.

Who knows who I’ll be five years from now, or what or whom I’ll want. Or for that matter, what or whom you’ll want. I’m a completely different person from the one I was a year ago, and seek different goals now than I have in the past. Who says I wouldn’t want you then like I wanted you now. If your reservations are honest, and you really want to be with me in the future but are scared to fuck it up now, you’re a coward. Newsflash, you already fucked it up, and this was not the right way to go about assuaging your fears.

If this, if I, am what you want now, not two years from now, not 5 days from now, now this minute, you should have taken the bull by his metaphorical horns and carped that fucking Diem.

By choosing her, someone you told me you see no future with. Someone you said you have no meaningful conversations with, but who’d be down to meet you in your bedroom past midnight, and concede to your every whim. If you chose her to act as your crutch until you’ve formed into the man you THINK I’d want you to be, you’re already the man I wouldn’t want to be with.

You made an irrevocable mistake. Sorry man, you lost your chance.

I don’t want you anymore. TC mark

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