1) The “Asdfghjkl.”
The bane of mornings affiliations. Common cases include: inadequate sleep, last-minute cramming, obnoxious alarm clocks, and/or the stubborn interference of life. This mood is often accompanied with symptoms of aggression, headaches, loss of patience and stress. Anyone in this state should not be approached. Allow the patient a safe radius of two-meters until at least noon. Pestering and questions should be kept to an absolute minimum. If symptoms persist, allow time, chocolate, or sufficient caffeine to take hold.
2) The “Zen.”
The beautiful calm before the storm. This somewhat rare case is associated with peace and ease. It’s not easy to achieve but practiced methods include: sufficient sleep, organized planning, no internet, and chamomile tea. This mood allows for positivity and a safe environment for fellow humans. People in this state can be approached for inspiration as they foster a sense of curiosity. How do they do it? Does the late night and all its offerings not appeal to them? Be prepared for confusion, possible aloofness, and/or a concise list of benefits.
3) The “Rush.”
The cyclone of power! When hit by this, one is bestowed with the gift of adrenaline. Encountered through snooze buttons, lack of consciousness, overestimating time, and/or battery betrayal. Speed upgrades are obtained through the varying importance of class, work, appointments, and travel schedules. When charged to maximum capacity, this mood allows for phenomenal haste and efficiency. Partakers are advised against frequent usage and encouraged to take a buffer period of 10-15 minutes upon arrival at destination.
4) The “Jet lag.”
The confusing illusion. This special mood is the result of traveling and time zone disturbance. At night, side effects include but are not limited to: ceiling staring, mind racing and food craving. Can be mistaken for “Zen” as peace and productivity are possible at first. Associated persons will experience delayed symptoms of fatigue, disengagement, and bed longing. By late afternoon, they become highly susceptible to passing out. Bystanders are strongly urged to engage in actions of warning that enforce the golden rule of: NO NAPPING (lest the vicious cycle should repeat).
5) The “Recovery.”
The weary warrior. Contrary to popular belief, this is a separate affiliation from “Asdfghjkl.” The diagnosis does not come after a mere night of insufficient sleep. Rather, it is reflected through a long journey of lifestyle choices. Symptoms of perpetual tiredness, inconsistent motivation, and erratic thought patterns can all be traced to this mood. Afflicted people are generally still accessible and competent. Their energy levels are prone to drastic fluctuations, and usually peak in the late evening. If possible, the counsel and friendship of the “Zen” community would be beneficial to seek out.