Several months ago, I felt like God wanted me to shift my focus. I felt an overwhelming sense that the Lord wanted me to take some time to get rid of certain distractions so that I could focus on becoming more like Him, bettering myself, and seeking Him. One of those distractions happened to be dating.
I’m not the dating around type, and I’ve actually only ever had one boyfriend, so my “break from dating” was more about taking my focus off of my desire for a relationship and putting that energy into bettering myself and becoming “the one”, rather than looking for “the one”. After looking back, I’ve learned some important lessons along the way… and since I know a lot of women struggle with dating and relationships, I figured I would share.
Here are a few things I learned over the last several months:
1. I realized that I am worthy, not because of who I am, but because of Who’s I am. This is another thing that I have to constantly remind myself of each and every day. My worth does not come from the amount of views I get from this blog post, the amount of likes I get on an Instagram post, the money in my bank account, or whether or not I have a boyfriend. It is solely dependent on who I am in Christ, His daughter.
2. I became truly content and satisfied in Christ alone. No man on earth could ever satisfy my heart the way Jesus can. Nothing can compare to Him, nothing.
3. I realized what I want in a man. I wrote a list of qualities, values, and non-negotiables that I am looking for in a guy. I strongly encourage all single women to do this, but be careful not to make this list a god or idol.
4. I started investing in my current friendships instead of searching for a relationship. I poured my heart into my friends and family, because why would I pour my heart into a boyfriend — that I don’t have — instead of pouring into relationships that I already have.
5. I focused on bettering myself in every aspect of my life. I worked on becoming a better friend, a better sister, a better daughter, a better wife. No, I’m not a wife, but as a very wise woman once said, “The spirit of a wife is not found in a ring, the spirit of a wife is found in your character.”
6. I realized that it’s okay to take protective measures when it comes to guarding my heart. Taking protective measures does not make you unChristian, it makes you wise. Protective measures can include deleting that guy’s number who isn’t good for you (and you know it), deleting a social media account for a certain amount of time, asking someone to keep you accountable, etc.
7. I had a more clear vision, direction, and perspective on where my life was headed, career-wise and as a whole. By taking a step away from dating, I had time to pray through and think through the next steps in my life. God is up to amazing things, y’all! The best is yet to come, truly!
So, I say all of this not to make you feel like you have to take a break from dating or that dating is bad because it’s not, but to encourage you to seek the Lord before seeking a relationship.
We’ve all heard the stories of girls who take an entire year off of dating and at the end, they come out of it with a boyfriend… No, that didn’t happen to me, but what I gained was so much more. I gained perspective, confidence, self-worth, direction, contentment, and the list could go on.
I want to encourage you to pray and ask the Lord if He wants you to take time off of dating and if He does then do it! It turned out to be a very fruitful season for me and I have confidence that it will be for you too. If you end up taking time off of dating, please comment, message me, or get in contact with me somehow and let me know so I can pray for you during this time! God led me to take this much needed time off of dating and I am so glad I followed His lead.