It’s not everyday we get to eat our feelings, but comfort foods are always here for us. Whether it’s a bad day or a bad break-up, the one thing we can count on is being able to stuff our faces afterwards, no questions asked. And you may think that there’s no rules to stress eating, that any hobo off the street could do it. And you have never been more wrong. There are tips, tricks, and rules that every skilled stress eater must know. Please, pay attention. We can be better at this.
1. There will be no rationalizing. Buy the ice cream. With the fat. All of it. I don’t know what happened and I may not want to, but whatever it is, you deserve the fatty ice cream simply for your success in the survival department. If you still have the ability to eat ice cream, do it. It’s a gift that none of us can afford to take for granted.
2. Distract yourself from your own weakness. If you’re still worried about the fat, find something to do that makes you forget you’re eating at all. Eating is still therapeutic whether you’re conscious of it or not, and binge watching tv, or talking for a ridiculous amount of time with friends while becoming life’s biggest critic, is a sure fire way to get you to take the medicine. I mean eat the ice cream. Same thing.
3. Consider quantity to be an achievement. We all want to be proud of ourselves in some way, so talk about a confidence booster at the same time. You can thus double the benefits of stress eating by making it into a productive activity. More food equals more productivity, and it’s not everyday you get to brag about having the energy to polish off two pints of ice cream and a few boxes of mac and cheese.
4. Get competitive. You’ve got to have at least one friend who’s on the same stress eating schedule as you, and when the cycle begins again, buddying up on the productive activity isn’t a bad idea. Becoming enemies over your level of food intake is also a great bonding exercise.
5. Remember that you deserve this. Maybe all it takes is picturing whatever it is that stresses you out, or perhaps it’s the metaphorical eating of said stressor that motivates you. We can eat our feelings, and at the same time pretend that every bite is something we hate. And somehow that something can taste really good. Metaphorical revenge is literally so sweet.