When I was a little girl I didn’t want to be one of those girls who was not good at school because I wanted my teachers to like me and I wanted my parents to be happy with my grades.
I studied hard and I made sure I was not like the other girls.
When I was a young girl I did not want to be one of those studious girls because I did not want to be made fun of and I wanted to be friends with the popular girls.
I did not wear my glasses in public and sometimes chose friends for their popularity than their hearts.
When I was in high school I did not want to be those boring girls who did everything their teachers and parents told them to do because I wanted to be cool and I wanted to belong.
I broke some of my house rules and looked to my friends for advice because their validation mattered more.
When I was in college I did not want to be one of those girls who worked towards their future but wanted to live in the moment because you only live once.
I started ignoring my values and prioritized having fun over being smart. I did not want people to tell me what and what not to do.
After college, I was confused because I thought I would have a sense of direction by then, but I still did not. I always tried so hard not to be like the other girls that I began to realize that I had forgotten who I was.
When I was in graduate school I did not want to be one of those girls who prioritized vanity and relationships over a secure future and independence.
I started looking down at the girls who cared more about appearance and started focusing on the right steps to have a good future.
When I was out in the real world I did not want to be like those girls who got a job because of nepotism or supposedly “slept her way to the top.”
I started small and worked hard and quickly realized the adult world is not as easy as I thought it would be. I realized I should have worked harder. I blamed my life choices and my luck for how things turned out to be.
When I turned thirty I didn’t want to be one of those girls who got married and settled down to start a family because I wanted to be a strong, independent woman. I wanted to prove a point.
I started to find faults in my partners as to why my relationships wouldn’t work because as a feminist, I thought I had to be better than men. When in reality, I should have attempted to be equal. I didn’t even know what feminism meant.
All my life I tried really hard not to be like the other girls because I felt I needed to be different and that I needed to prove a point, but now, I do not know why.
I tried so hard to separate myself from others because I was scared to be ordinary that I lost my own identity along the way.
Now I realize I should have never tried so hard not to be like the other girls. I should have let myself be whoever I wanted to be. I should not have fought so hard against my own kind.
Looking back, I am tired of trying to be “not like other girls.” I should have admired and respected all girls for being who they were and who they wanted to be.
I should have accepted myself for who I was and let myself be who I wanted to be. I should not have tried so hard to prove myself to the outside world, I should have been more honest and let myself organically become what could have been.
Now that I have started to let myself be who I am I am no longer tired because there are no pretenses. I should not have categorized girls into groups because every girl is unique, and every girl is special. Every girl can choose and be whatever she wants to be.
I am no longer fighting myself. I am trying to be as authentic and genuine as I can be, and it does not matter if I am or not like anyone else.
I am me and I finally accept myself for who I am and what I can be.