The Cracks In My Heart Are Shaped Like Your Mouth

I remember the first moment I saw you, I recognized you the second I saw your face. You looked nervous and unsure, and I felt exactly the same.

I gave you a hesitant hug, trying to conceal my insecurities and blanket them with pretend confidence that I had borrowed from a vodka soda before I left my house.

I cannot remember anything we talked about because I was distracted by your face and thoughts of what could have been going on in that head of yours. You were definitely not my type but why was I so drawn to you?

You looked like a player and acted like a saint. You told me a bit about your past, but it really did not matter to me because I could see you. I truly saw the real you. You told me you never had luck with the ladies, but I knew you were used to breaking hearts.

I saw the side of you that you had never shown any girl. You were kind and sweet, you told me you wanted to change how you used to be. I still believe everything you said.

I don’t think you were looking for love and you found me.

It was like magic whenever we talked, it was so easy. It felt like we were meant to be. I felt fate was playing a trick on me at times, but I was falling.

Time would just fly whenever we were together, and I could feel your eyes on me every time I walked away. I could see your eyes searching for me and they would glisten whenever I appeared.

I loved holding your hand and walking down the street looking at the streetlights and the stars. Everything in the world felt like it was in the right place when I had you next to me. You made me so happy.

The strength of a relationship depends on the ideas of love we have in our heads. Our definitions of love did not quite match. I thought you needed time and you thought we were too different, but I know the way you look at me—when we were in a room full of people, you only saw me.

You needed to grow up and realize what you wanted in life but I was not going to wait for you to be an adult—it was never my job to teach you that.

You scarred my heart when you said I wanted more than what you could give when all I asked for was for you to love me. And if that was a lot, I cannot ask for less.

We came together and fell apart so many times because we were scared and sometimes we were selfish.

I felt like you and I were put on this planet to meet each other and be with each other though we are no longer together. You once told me that you felt like we were meant to be because we kept coming back into each other’s lives.

The reality is that we are so drawn to each other that it is impossible for me to go one day without thinking of you because of the connection we had, which is irreplaceable. You are irreplaceable.

I am not sure if you were not honest or if I made you up to be more than what you were. When I left, I felt a void in my heart. An emptiness that I thought would be filled over time. Years went by and I met many others, but nothing came close to you.

No matter where I am, I will always carry your memories in my heart that is broken; broken by the pain of your loss and saddened by the pride of my ego.

It is not time that will heal me. The cracks in my heart are shaped like your mouth. It is only your love that can heal me.

I am waiting for only you to kiss me again.

About the author
Mainers and Chicagoans call me 'AnjyRajy' <3 Follow Anjana on Instagram or read more articles from Anjana on Thought Catalog.

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