As Long As We Have Each Other

two women holding theier hands
Daiga Ellaby / Unsplash

I remember the first time we met. You were like a ray of sunshine that came upon my dark life. You showed me a world that I had never seen but always wanted to.

They say you meet your true connections in childhood, and as you grow older, you meet temporary acquaintances. There was something different about us — we were poles apart, but we were the same. I was desperately looking for a friend when we crossed paths, and it was just so easy with us. It didn’t take much effort and whenever it did, it was always worth it.

Every moment we spent together was like living a daydream filled with beautiful moments and happy thoughts. We smiled at each other and the world. We danced to the endless music that filled our lives. Nothing before that sounded as wonderful and felt so right. You used to say, “As long as we have each other, we will be okay.” We never needed anyone else but wanted everyone to look at the world with the same eyes we did, a dream we had somehow made a reality.

You reminded me to laugh again and taught me to enjoy life the way it is meant to be lived. People judged us but you never judged anyone. Your world was as exquisite as anyone could ever imagine, and I loved being a part of it. Every song and every dance brought us closer; we had each other when we had no one else.

We had formed a rare friendship that was so special and genuine that I questioned if it was real and how long it would last. I wondered if it was a temporary delusion. What we had seemed too good to be true, but it was real.

Like with most relationships, we had a falling out. None of it was ever your fault — I see that now. You tried to be the same light you used to be but I dragged us down into the darkness. I will probably never be able to explain it right, but sometimes when things go wrong, we pull ourselves away from everything, even people who mean the most. The life I saw as a daydream looked like a distorted reality. I couldn’t tell what was good for me anymore because I was scared of what could be.

There wasn’t a day that went by that I did not think about you or miss you. I missed us. I felt numb to the music that once brought me to life. I felt lost in this confusing universe. I didn’t feel the joy that I used to feel when you were around. A connection we had was something I looked for in others but never found.

“As long as we have each other” is what we used to say, but we didn’t have each other anymore. That one night just broke me, and it took away my ability to love, laugh and trust. They say time heals, and it is slowly healing. But I could never apologize enough for punishing you for my sins, for blaming you for my mistakes, and pushing you away because I couldn’t even be by myself.

As we slowly begin to put together pieces of our broken memories and recollect the chaos, to try to build what we once had, I wonder if it will ever be like it used to be. I wonder if we’ll ever go back to who we were, but trust me when I say that there is nothing I wish for more than giving it a try, because a small part of me never gave up on us. I could never give up on you.

As we begin to take little steps toward what we could be, I want to see the same sun that got covered by shadows. You have the magic that could change my day around. As we get older, I do not want this to be over. You’re the only one who can keep me dancing. You’re the only one who can remind me of who I used to be.

It will take time. It won’t always be easy but as long as we have each other, we will be okay. TC mark

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