*Futile dialogue appears…
They: Are you in a relationship?
Me: Maybe not
Me: It’s classified
Me: *BAD POKER FACE*
It is the truth. We are not sure what is going on but we are barefacedly certain that there is something going on… with almost everyone we know. We are not proud holders of that status but neither are we feeling disgraceful of ‘always-in-love’ or ‘always feeling devastated’ phase; we have befallen habitual maybe. Trying pathetically to fill in all the gaps with different colors is all what we are trying to do and we are officially permitted to do that because nobody is truly dying for us and neither are we. However we want to, we want to fall in love like they do, like they have told us in the poetries, and simply just like everyone.
It’s not easy to keep your spirits up all the time because we just get too many heartbreaks, we breakdown more than anyone can imagine and being told that it is fine, you’re not alone doesn’t help at all. Crisis happens when we don’t even receive proper goodbyes, all we get is partial breakup from those partial love stories. On the other end we are breaking many hearts and telling people they are not the one in our most subtle guiltless ways. But nothing comes to an end, we don’t leave most of the people and neither does anyone else because Shawshank Redemption has taught us that ‘hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies’. We never say it to each other but we just know.
We are always in a phase, it’s like always Pms-ing, and you never can assume what we are going to do with you. Maybe someone else has spoiled our romance and we are trying to gather our little broken pieces from everywhere, may be temporarily only. But we are not always what you think we are and that’s because you never made us what we always intended to become. We just can’t decide what to exactly feel or do with you because we are hanging in the midst of uncertainties and instabilities. We cannot come on strong at you; because we are too careful to take any step because fucking things up is our second best game after fucking up the games.
No matter how genuinely our friends tell us that they are there, and we must take a break, and that we can share their boyfriend but, it doesn’t make us less single/loner. We are just looking for one fucking romantic life that everyone seemed to have.
Undying questions of vague romantic life appears…
In this world of billions, why can’t we find the one? Why can’t we reach that line where we’ll feel the glamour of that beautiful pseudo fuss created by lovers? Are we not trying? Or are we trying too hard? Even after so many quarters, half and full romantic efforts we have not yet reached there and feel that we are never even going to. It feels just too late, we are getting older, people are getting married (A LOT), we are left with less options each day, how are we going to make it possible?
We are too experienced to talk about everything but the reason we don’t talk about it is because everything has failed us. And in the end we are left with only self doubts of our being the wrong one.