3 Reasons We End Up Settling
By Anita Rose
No one wants to admit that they are settling for less than what they are worth. And sometimes, maybe we don’t even realize that we are settling. The main reason why we do it? Fear.
1. We think things will change.
When we are in a relationship that gives us less than we deserve, we often trick ourselves into thinking that things will change. If our partner gets that job they’ve been wanting or if we finally get out of debt, then things will be different. We may even believe that we don’t love our partner enough. Maybe if we love them just a little bit more, they will realize that all this time they have been taking us for granted. They will realize the shining jewel before them and want to cherish and protect it. They will begin to see us as important and want to satisfy our needs. The truth is change is not easy. It’s possible, but people never change if they are comfortable with a situation.
2. We just need to give it more time.
This is part of believing in change. We think that maybe we are rushing things. Perhaps if we just give it a bit more time, go more slowly, something magical will blossom from the mundane. We continue to give of ourselves. We continue to wait by the phone. We make ourselves available to jump at a moment’s notice because some attention is better than none. We hold onto the hope in our hearts that this person is somehow going to wake up one day and love us as fiercely as we love them. But the truth is, the longer we wait, the less chance there is of that happening.
3. We are afraid of being alone.
It is next to impossible to walk away from someone you love. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are, some part of us needs to hold on to the familiarity of the relationship. This fear becomes compounded when we are also afraid of being alone. Often when we think about the prospect of being the only single friend in our circle or growing older without a witness to our lives, we are much more willing to stay in an unsatisfying situation. We are much more willing to settle because in our way of thinking, it’s better than being alone.
When we settle we allow ourselves to be taken for granted. We are subconsciously telling our mate that it’s okay to walk all over us. We are silently screaming that our needs don’t matter. All this does is lead to resentment and heartache on our part.
Love doesn’t equal being a doormat. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you hang on when you’re not getting what you need. We settle out of fear. The way we counter fear is with love. We must learn to love ourselves enough to know when we are settling and then to voice our needs and walk away if need be.