I remember the first time I saw him he was sitting in the corner of the music room. He had blonde hair, blue eyes, and he was really tall. I did not pay much attention to him because he was a senior and I was a freshman. You’re probably thinking this is going to turn into a typical high school freshman heartbreak.
I did not take the fact that I found him cute seriously because I told myself he just another guy I find cute. Sometimes we stop ourselves from doing certain things because we can not take those things seriously. As the year went along I did not pay much attention to him.
As a freshman, you join every club and team the school has to offer because you want to try new things and make new friends. As a typical freshman, I joined every club the school had to offer. I joined the Concert Band and during my third practice I realized I did not have time for the Concert Band and if I continued with it I would be exhausted.
I decided to stick in Concert Band for a couple more months. I guess it was because I just wanted to spend time with my friends and get to know that guy. Sometimes in life we will not want to do something or will feel like giving up. However, something will hold us back from giving up.
Months passed by, and I had not spoken to him. I guess I was afraid. I was afraid of him thinking I was stupid, dumb and pathetic. Most of all I was afraid of him spreading rumours or telling his friends. Sometimes we have this fear that someone will not like us, so we never tell them and we never build up the courage to talk to them.
In our lives we have a day, week or month when things become stressful and we make impulsive decisions. When making these decisions we do not think about what the outcome of it might be or how it can affect our own lives or other people’s lives.
During exam week life became stressful and I decided to quit Band. My friends thought I was making an impulsive decision, they tried to stop me. However, my mind was made up, I knew what I wanted and in that moment, I wanted to quit Concert Band.
Eventually the school year was over. I did not think about that guy and I guess I was distracted by the fact it was summer. One summer night I was with my friends and we were sitting in my kitchen and we decided to talk about the school year.
As we reflected on the highs and lows of the year. We began to talk about Band. My friends asked me who I liked in Band and I said his name. They were shocked because they did not expect me to like him. When I said his name, my face was pale and I was smiling and looking down in that moment.
Summer went by really fast and another school year began. One night I had this assignment and it was for this class I really cared about. My friends and family did not have time to help me with that assignment.
I was sitting there and was on Instagram. I saw his name.I decided I was going to text him and ask him to help me with it. I guess in that moment I felt hopeless and was in desperate need of help. I sent the message right after my common sense hit me and I unsent it. However, he replied and wanted to help.
My assignment was pretty simple, it consisted of me asking some individual questions, taking their photo and writing about them. While I was asking him questions I realized he was much more different than I expected. When we see someone, we often judge them by the way they’re dressed, the way they walk and the way they speak.
I expected him to be a stubborn, arrogant and uptight. When I began asking him those questions it felt weird because he was not what I expected. He was different, it felt I was talking to a different person. He was nice, kind and down to earth.
We talked on and off for two months. Then during my winter break I had my first heartbreak. I remember it, as if it happened yesterday. That night I was watching Grey’s Anatomy Season Nine Episode Two. I decided I was going to tell him how I feel, so I sent him a text and he ended up friend zoning me.
I felt terrible and, I just sat in one spot. I guess I felt like that because I had never been rejected or friend zoned before. I was the type of girl who would never put myself out there.With him it was different. I usually had the guys chasing me.After friend zoning me he tried making me feel better, which was kind of him but I was just so hurt. I thought about all the flaws within me and if I was to nice.
The next day I was with one of my friends from Band and I felt terrible and she was the only person there and I ended up telling her. I did not want to tell anyone but I guess a part of me did want to talk to someone about it.
I did not expect her to tell anyone. I trusted her and she betrayed me. I did not want anyone to know about it and she ended up telling the whole Band during a Band Practice. I left the practice midway, with tears streaming down my eyes. As I was standing at the bus stop I tried to get a hold myself. When I got home my eyes were red and my face was pale.
For two weeks, I felt like crap everyday at school. I disliked the fact everyone knew I got friend zoned. It was one thing he did not like me, it was another that everyone knew about it. Despite everything that happened I tried again, again and again for him to like me. However to this day he does not like me, sometimes it feels as if he does not even want to be friends. He will leave my messages on read, will not want to hangout and ignore me.
I can say one one thing about my heartbreak. There’s nothing wrong with trying again and again for a person. At one point you have to give up because while your wasting your time on something that does not want you, you can meet someone who does. I wasted a year and half on a guy who did not want me, when I could have gone for the guys who wanted me.
After getting friend zoned you are going to be upset and feel like a fool because you will wonder why you got friend zoned. Was it because of the way you dressed? Were you to kind? Did you creep him/her out? All these questions will be spinning in your head. The truth is nothing was wrong with you.
Being friend zoned sucks at first. It is the most tragic thing that can happen to anyone when it comes to love. For hours, days and months you will think if you are really are “friends” with that person. When you figure that part out it may become awkward for you when you are around that person because you may not know how to act.
Getting over the fact you got friend zoned will be the most challenging part. I promise you it will be hard at first. Eventually when you get over that person you will realize how it was worth it because
One day you are going to find someone who loves every little thing about you. They will treat you flaws as if they’re your achievements. That person will make sure your biggest fear, never comes to life. That person will protect you if anything tries to hurt you. With that person, you will feel safe and loved.
Remember love is a complicated thing which you may never understand. You can try your whole life to figure it out. However, you will never understand it because everyone thinks differently, and has different perspective of love.