I’m Sorry For Leaving You All Alone In Your City

Afa Ah Loo / Unsplash

If people would ask me to describe you in a word, I’d immediately tell them: hardworking. You are made of ambitions. Discipline is tattooed all over your hairy, brown skin, reminding you of everything that you want to achieve in this world.

It seemed like the corporate world was built for someone like you — with your consistently dark long sleeves, your perfectly trimmed whiskers, and your casual toothy grin. You dressed like you were going to prom every day and you knew how depressed I felt about that. But you said it was part of your job.

I never in a million years thought I would be dating someone who’s working in the same industry that I’m in. I’ve always assumed I’d be going after some free-spirited guy who sleeps on his friend’s couch and travels the world for a living. But after getting to know you, I realized that maybe the brain is the sexiest part of a man’s body.

You are intelligent and driven and responsible. Someone said I was dumb for letting you go. I probably was — and I guess I still am. I was so young when I met you and I didn’t know what I want to get out of life yet; I only knew what I didn’t want.

And I knew I was no longer happy living in the city that you grew to love, and maybe even worshipped. I felt stuck. I hated crowds. I was suffocated breathing the same stale air every damn second. And the only thought that was more horrifying than leaving was staying. So I had to go.

In my process of leaving, however, I failed to consider your feelings. I should have given you a minute to talk some sense to me, to pitch your case about why I should stay. But I was so quick to close my doors that you never even got a chance to say a word. And I’m sorry forbidding my farewell to you that way.

It’s probably too late to apologize now. My explanations might not be relevant anymore. But I hope you know that I did regret hurting you. I am fully aware of how special I was to you, of how much you fought for me. And it still breaks my heart just remembering the way your face lit up when you found me standing in a room.

I’m sorry I didn’t try hard to see more reasons to stay in your city for a year. I’m sorry for not thinking about you or considering you before I made my decision. I’m sorry I couldn’t fall in love with the place you call home for almost a decade. And mostly, I’m sorry I didn’t live up to your idea of forever.

We were young and I felt like it was too early for us to settle down. It was too soon for me to build forts in one city.

But someday when our paths cross, I wish we can talk things out. I wish we can look at each other the same way we did before. And while I know that our special connections with each other had already sizzled down, I wish that we can still be good friends again, despite time and distance.

I wish you’d see how much I’ve changed, how quickly I’ve matured. And after all these times, I hope you’re happy to know that I’m finally growing to be the kind of person you’ve always wanted me to become. TC mark


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