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God, This Is Me Giving You My Entire Heart

God, I’m tired. I’m tired of watching myself get broken time after time after finding love in the wrong places. It’s like I never learn. Every time you pull me away from trouble, I extend my other hand to flirt with disaster. I resist hearing you call my name. I become stubborn because of my evil desires.

I know I’m not worthy of your forgiveness right now. I am ashamed of all the sins that I committed against you. Even I can’t stand the reflection staring back at me in the mirror. But I hope that you hear my prayers when I ask for forgiveness. Please accept me when I come running back at you.

This life is quite hard to navigate through. Despite the number of times that I tried to steer the wheel in the direction that I want, it still takes the control out of my hands. I keep worrying about what’s ahead of me. I hold on to people that are meant to be set free. I let my heart hurt for the sake of having to feel something.

My balance vanished after chasing some temporary, worldly pleasure. I took the silence living inside my body and replaced it with whispers that told me I deserve a different kind of happiness. I bargained your truth for a sugar-coated lie. And that completely destroyed the strong relationship that I have built with you.

But dear God, the only God of heaven and earth, I am done giving pieces of me to those who are the reason why I have strayed away from you. I want to dedicate to you my whole self, every bit of my heart. I want to follow your lead, to reach for the light that you shine on my way, to always love you the same way that you love me. God, I will do everything just to fall back into your arms right now.

I will obediently follow the rules and regulations that you bestowed upon us. I will remember your name both on the day that I triumph and on the day that I fall to my knees. Your never-ending love for us will be my inspiration to keep going, even on my darkest times. The promises that you never fail to deliver will be enough proof for me that you’re always there — listening, guiding, and caring.

Without you, I am useless. God, you teach me how to live in the present. You show me and make me feel what true love is. You deliver me from anything that will rip me apart. And you help me stand back up when there’s no more fight left in me.

God, please keep reminding me that your love is enough. That if I surrender to you my entire heart, I will achieve peace and serenity. Allow me to learn and grow from all of my wrongdoings. Lift my spirit up and straighten my way through your kingdom. Calm my mind with your powerful words.

No one can surpass the kindness and love that you’re planting inside of me. Everything I ask, you give. Your plans always prosper me, never ever harming. Because of you, I can now clearly see where did I go wrong and what I need to change moving forward. I am slowly finding the moral story from all of these sufferings.

All that I ask is for you to carry my bruised soul and heal every part of me that is hurting. Take my stubborn hands with you and drag me to where I am supposed to be heading. I am tired of going against my emotions, of overthinking, of questioning, of not letting go. But I am not giving up. God, you are the reason why I’m still here, why I’m breathing just fine. I know that there are more to see, learn, and experience down the road.

And with you, I am ready. TC mark

Angelo Caerlang

Angelo Caerlang is the author of Sparks in Broken Lights.

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