An Open Letter To My Ex-Lover

Unsplash Carli Jean
Unsplash Carli Jean

Hi. I know it’s been a while and we’re both now happy with our new relationships but I wrote this to let you know of the things you’ve taught me. Thank you for making me the worst person to love now. You’ve consumed all my love when we were still in the relationship but then took it for granted. We both took for granted our relationship. You telling me long before that you wanted to break up because you don’t love me anymore and I fighting for what I know what is right for the both of us. I didn’t know that I’m only fighting alone. A battle that is a lost cause and in the end, we know that we both fail to love one another like how we loved our previous lovers before.

Anyway, just letting you know that even though I am the worst person to love right now I found a girl who would accept a complete mess, a girl whose love is very different from yours. I can surely say that I love her more than I loved you. I can proudly choose to love her each and every day. I will definitely fall in love with her in everything she does even in the littlest things she’ll do I’ll fall for her. She’s a strong and independent woman but still makes me feel that she needs me every once in a while in which you failed to make me feel before. She’s a complete opposite of you and I love her. She makes me laugh with her humor and wit. She makes me fall asleep with her hugs, kisses and noises that only her can make, perfect lullaby for me. She willingly wants to enter my world without any hesitation. She isn’t afraid to tell me that she loves me so much and she’s been thinking of building a life with me and a thousand more reasons why I love her so much. We share a completely different love affair compared to ours. It’s almost perfect love story.

But even though I love our relationship, I hated myself because of what you’ve done to me. You made me feel a total douchebag to you and now I’m being a douchebag to her sometimes. You taught me how to use my pride and now I’m using it against her whenever we have a fight. You taught me how to build my walls even though I’m in a relationship already and now I’ve built my walls and she’s having a hard time pulling it down. What you’ve done to me is something that even I can’t change in just a snap. You taught me how to love myself more than loving my partner and I don’t think that she deserves it. You’ve created a monster in me. I slowly became you in my new relationship and I hate it.

I wrote this to tell you that I forgive you even though you didn’t ask for it. I forgive you even though you think that you were the only victim. I forgive you for whatever things you’ve taught me that I’ve been using or doing against my new lover. I forgive you so that my heart can be free of anger. You were a burden for me and I thank God I’ve let you go already but the pain you caused is still here. I may have moved on from you but the pain you’ve given me stayed. Now, I’m completely letting go of that pain you caused. I’m freeing my heart in every anger and pride that occupied my heart because of you, because of our relationship. I am cleansing my heart so I can start anew.

I want my heart to be pure again so that I can love my new lover completely, the way I love music and books. I want my lover to feel that I am hers completely. I want my new lover to feel the love that she deserves. I want to become a better person for her. I also would want to build a future, a life with her without a doubt. I still want to choose to love her every single second of my every day of my entire life. I still want to become the reason for her smiles and happiness. I want to make her feel that she’s not alone through thick and thin. I want her to experience and feel a love she never felt before, a love that is pure and that only belongs to her. I want to make her feel life like she never have lived before. I want to live my life with her by my side; a future with her is what I am looking forward every day. To see and make her happy is what I want to do for the rest of my life.

So to my ex-lover, I am so done with you and the pain you’ve given me. Adieu! Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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