When I say I’ll be there, that I’ll be willing to listen, that I’ll be your friend I mean it with all my heart. But I also mean that I’ll be there when I can, when I don’t feel like shit at the moment.
I love it when my friends turn to me when they feel sad or they have a problem. I feel like I am important because they think I’m a person worthy to listen to their woes in life. While some consider it a burden, I consider it a privilege. It’s not easy to trust someone else to listen to all your rants and nonsense. So I really try my best to help people when I can. But sometimes I am that person who needs help.
Like everyone else, I have my own problems and woes that need to be addressed. I feel like I’m not being true to my word whenever someone needs my help and I know I couldn’t make myself available because I feel like shit. It’s not your fault. It’s not my fault either. It’s no one’s fault. I know how feelings can be messy. But I also want to say sorry to everyone who needed me and I wasn’t able to help. I wish I could make you feel better and make myself feel better at the same time but I need to take care of myself first. I need it so bad not just for my sake, but for other people’s sake. And while I don’t really need to explain myself I just need to get it off my chest.
Having someone to share not just your happiness but also your troubles with is very important. We all need a friend, someone we can lean on, someone who’s willing to listen. We cannot rely solely on ourselves forever. No matter how strong and resilient of a person you are, you need people.
So to all my friends out there, thank you for being in my life, for making life more worth living.