It hurts, I know. It’s hard. You’ve made someone your entire world and in an instant, they’re gone. They leave and they take everything you thought you had together: the conversations, the inside jokes, the intimacy. Like an addict going cold turkey, it is in this moment when we lose them that we will miss them the most intensely.
Your mind goes everywhere and your mood swings from sadness to anger to frustration and back to sadness again. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep well, you find yourself sporadically crying throughout the day. You keep wondering if it was your fault things went south, or if there’s any way to get them back. You wonder if you want to.
Maybe things would have worked out better if you had both just waited a little bit longer. What if they were the right one for you? What if you’ll never find anyone who gets you the way they did ever again? What if your problems were actually still fixable? What if you’ve lost the love of your life? What if breaking up was a big mistake?
The painful truth is, we can’t live in a world of what-ifs. We can’t rely solely on ideals or potential if there was no indication that things were going to improve. It’s not fair to either of you to wait for the relationship to get to a good place.
One of you had your reasons for this to end, and you have to trust that it was the right thing to do, that it was for the best.
What if I told you the worst was over? The actual breaking up bit, I mean. Whether you were the person doing the breaking up or getting broken up with or if it was a mutual decision, the moment when you realize you’re done for good this time, and the few days that follow are the most painful of them all.
It’s okay to feel sad. In fact, it’s completely normal. Embrace your sadness, cry it out, but most importantly, surround yourself with good people. You may have lost one of the most important people in your life, but you have your family and/or your friends and they will always be there for you. Let them shower you in kindness and know that everything may feel awful now, but things will get better. You do have support, and you’re not alone.
Maybe in time you will both grow to be better people and this could work again, but you shouldn’t be holding on to this hope in the meantime. A relationship involves a union of two great people sharing their lives together, and you both have to find love in yourselves before finding love in each other.
Remember that you’ve done your best. You’ve loved with all of your heart. You’re not to blame if things didn’t work out. Even if you haven’t done your best, that’s fine too. Learn from this, and learn how to treat people better. Relationships don’t have to be difficult, we just have to learn how to love and be loved, and keep in mind that this is all part of that process. You loved them, maybe you still do. It’s okay. Cherish the memories, appreciate them for all they’re worth and when you’re ready, let go of the hurt. This person may or may not have been your first love, but they won’t be your last. I promise.