I think it’s safe to say that I’m a pretty intense person to date. I expect 100% and anything less is unacceptable to my personal standards. I am the way I am because I want everything to go right, to be the best of the best, the ideal girlfriend. Generally, I text in chunks because I want my explanations to be clear, I make plans weeks in advance, and I am on top of my entire schedule. It’s understandable that this can occasionally make me a painfully overbearing person to be around, especially in relationships.
Sometimes, this makes me feel like although I am too much, I am not enough – Not enough of the right things, not enough to keep people happy, not enough to make them want to stay. I overthink everything I say and do, and people’s reactions to them. I know I shouldn’t be taking things so personally, but the littlest things always get to me anyway. I just want everyone to have a good time – especially my partner – but it hurts and stresses me out in the process, especially when I do not get their best in return, or even a semblance of gratitude or joy.
I am high intensity, high-strung, highly perfectionistic, and highly curious. I think curious hearts hurt the most, because they are always on the search for the truth. And the truth isn’t always pretty. It feels like the neurons in my brain fire twice as rapidly as the average and my mind goes all over the place trying to justify certain circumstances and work out what’s the best way to handle all of it, PLUS my emotions.
If you’re like me, I want you to know that being a lot is not a bad thing, and it doesn’t make you unlovable.
It means you care. A lot. You care with all of your body and your heart is bursting with love. It is not a bad thing to be passionate and give life your best, because it means you know what you want and you’re determined to get it. You strive for happiness and you’re willing to do the work to get it.
Do not be afraid of being yourself instead of trying to live up to set standards. It is a great feat to be able to stay true to yourself in a world constantly trying to change you.
Be shamelessly loud in loving and giving and always come from a place of kindness. If they can’t appreciate what you give them, find someone who will. You deserve a person who knows a good thing when they have it, and is able to return the love.
Do your best as you know you will, but don’t be discouraged if things don’t go as planned or if people don’t like you. It’s not always your fault if people aren’t in the best of moods or if something went wrong. It may not be their fault either, but just a matter of the situation. What matters is you tried and you are doing fine.
More importantly, remember that the best person to give you the love and effort that you want is you. Save some of that TLC for yourself. You are not too much for anyone to love but you are also not for everyone to love. The one person you really have to be for, though, is you. You are your own worst enemy when it comes to self-love.
Realize that there are incredible things about you, even if you can’t see them yourself right now. Hang in there. Nothing good comes easy and embracing your individuality is a beautiful thing worth fighting towards. Stay brave, love boldy.