I know you are confused and uncertain and scared, perhaps more scared than you’ve ever been. You are at a point in your life where it is so hard to reconcile the past, present and future – living you stuck on this plane of solitude that all of us want to move from.
I know sometimes you feel like a madman who had endured a pain so great to the point of emotional numbness and mental destruction. You smile to hide the tears and laugh to shield the fears; only to tear yourself apart akin to a bright star bursting into flames of splintered emotions. And you ask, “What is wrong with me?” There is nothing wrong with you, my dear. You see, love, in all its glory, has always mocked us humans by throwing us out of our circle. I tell you, we could give the ocean a run for its money if we measure the amount of tears shed, but not wasted.
The thing about love is, it always comes with the risk of getting hurt. And when it does, you certainly can’t stop the emotion that run the side of your face. It may have felt like a battle every day. And although being able to live to fight another day seemed like winning, I know you are tired and would want to win more than these skirmishes. I know you want to win the big battle – the one that will make you believe in love again.
You will. You have to believe that you will.
Beneath the fragile state that you are in now lay a stronger, braver and wiser woman, waiting to be freed in time. A woman who is beautifully scarred with lessons learned from a great love – perhaps an unrequited love, a missed love or the right love at a wrong time – but a great love, still.
You will get the broken pieces of your heart back together. Little by little, you will understand that every minute detail of your broken past is as important as every minute detail of your future love.
Remember the first time you looked into his eyes as you become oblivious to your pounding heart. Remember the first “hellos” or the moment he called you “baby”. Remember the first kiss, the first touch and the countless of firsts and bests you both shared. Remember these because there is no denial to the fact that the only reason why people get hurt so much is because they have been happy just as much.
You have cut yourself open, vulnerable, exposed and figuratively naked to both happiness and pain. You have loved and lost. There is no better way to state that. And the moment you completely accept it, you will realize that despite everything, there is hope. You will have another shot at happiness. Sometimes, that is how love works. Trust the process. Have faith that amidst the darkness that’s encumbering you, there is light not afar.
I hope you remember that you are not alone because you are never alone. You have always been loved, my dear. You will always have those people who will fight with you in your battle and never leave your side. When all is said and done; when you’ve had enough of your jar of tears; when long solitary walks are now reduced to occasionally or never; when the bridge is ready to be crossed; and when your heart is finally ready, BE BRAVE. As Maya Angelou said, “Have enough courage to trust love one more time, and always one more time.” You were brave enough to risk getting hurt all for love and strong enough to endure the pain that came with it. Perhaps, it is time to allow yourself to be happy again. You deserve it.