Don’t Let Her Be The One That Got Away


Slowly, but surely, each couple starts living a common fairytale – to one day marry, have children and grow old together. The dream of finding a forever person suddenly finds itself a representation in real life. To believe in such a dream is both mature and a bit naïve, but that’s good. It means you have a big heart and believe in true love, one that is strong and enduring.

Some of the expectations we set up early in a relationship come to fruition in a number of stages we sometimes have control of, other times we don’t. This can lead to disappointment and disharmony. People sometimes come to find that their expectations toward each other may be different than what they’ve imagined and this can lead to various emotional troubles.

Maybe one likes to travel and see the world and the other would enjoy to settle, maybe one loves passionate hardcore sex, the other kindles a vanilla type of love making, maybe one would like to have kids, the other would prefer to live a few more years without the responsibilities.

Examples of different expectations are numerous – some people would prefer an open relationship, others cannot function within such arrangements, some people would rather they won’t move in together before marriage, others jump into moving in early on.

Expectations are calibrated according to relationship dynamics. To assert personal needs and wants about a relationship is natural and communication is essential.

The times when expectations are too demanding of the other, cracks in the relationship start to appear. People cannot live up to someone else’s view on their personal development. A change to suit the other can lead to personal disappointment. Change has to develop organically and within a mold that can be the ideal relationship you can have with the other.

Sometimes men find that it’s quite difficult to reach the potential their significant other has envisioned about them. There’s a sort of unwritten manly etiquette of refusing to acknowledge that a woman may be quite right when it comes to objective and subjective evaluation. If a man’s weak points are revealed, some guys will start to become way too defensive about their shortcomings and play a hard game of the other is to blame. The moment the relationship is under threat of dissolution, there are a few corrective tactics one can put into practice.

Here’s what you can do if you love a woman and feel that it’s worth to hold on to her:

1. Please let her go a bit.

Independence is a key element in a relationship. She was free before she met you, she needs to be free and enjoy her life on her own terms. It’s what you loved about her in the first place. Trust this – she is thinking about you all day so you’re safe. Jealousy and a controlling behavior will drive any woman away, it’s best if you mind your own business most of the time and learn to trust her.

2. Be the man of the house.

If you can handle the domestic areas of your life in a reliable fashion, your efforts will be rewarded. If you provide safety, comfort and can also hook up a decent meal, she will love you forever. If there’s something to fix around the house, make sure you do it. Pro tip – make sure she sees you do it. Also, have her bring the screwdriver. It’s in the top drawer, next to the big hammer.

3. Start earning big money.

Financial matters matter. If you can provide for two, you’d best earn to provide for three or more and you can start a family. Having children is a lot of work and having the financial means to make it happen will work wonders. Also, you can surprise her with something nice from time to time.

4. Listen to her, learn about her, give good advice.

Before you jump to any advice, learn to listen and evaluate properly. Sometimes the best advice you can give is the one you have researched, pondered about for a while and served in a timely manner. Until you have thoroughly processed the information, your best course of action is to comfort your beloved. Come back tomorrow with something worth sharing and give her a speech about it. She will thank you later.

5. Be seductive.

You already are, we know, but you can do better, right? Women enjoy seduction and will go great lengths to impress the man they love. Putting effort into foreplay and setting up the right atmosphere will prove most satisfying.

6. Start a hobby together.

What’s the thing you and your girlfriend are into? The couple that plays together, stays together. Find a hobby that you both can enjoy and it will keep you glued to one another.

7. Man up to something.

Take a stand when it comes to asking your neighbor to turn down the music, help someone in distress, learn to take criticism, take out the trash, learn to fly a plane, repair the toilet, do that one thing you have postponed for various reasons. Women need to feel protected and if she is to trust you, you’d better not let her down.

8. Be the better man.

Always leave a door open in your heart for forgiveness. If you quarrel, make sure you do not destroy an already fragile relationship. To move out to offensive is the best way you can defend yourself. Do not cause a big scene, do not push the envelope too far, don’t stay too grounded, back up a bit. It’s common sense that one of you should learn to let go of anger first, be the better man.

9. Be tender and romantic.

A love story does not just happen, it is nurtured and it’s renewed with every little effort you put into it. Imagination plays a good part into sweeping her off her feet. Be fun, playful, be imaginative.

There’s something profoundly human in having the expectation a relationship will last.

The dream to marry your loved one and live a happy life is a wonderful vision of maturity and integrity. It takes a real man to keep an extraordinary woman by his side. Learn to become that man and she will love you for it. Thought Catalog Logo Mark


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