Who remembers the Girl Scout song: “Make new friends/Keep the old/One is silver/And the other’s gold.” New friends are always a wonderful surprise but there’s something very precious about the people who’ve known you a hellishly long time. (Just kidding — we’ve loved every minute!)
Someone once told me, “The older you get, the more you’ll need the friends who knew you when you were young.” And boy, are they right. Here’s a few reasons why:
1. How often they really shower. (No judgment, girl.)
2. That time in Mexico when they had way too much tequila (honey, we all did) and ended up going to second base with a waiter named Julio who spoke no English except más cervezas!
3. That they purr when they’re happy, hiss when they’re upset. Oh wait, a cat doesn’t count as a best friend, right?
4. Their bra size … and the *wrong* bra size they wore for 6 years before they finally got measured by a professional.
5. Their period schedule. (Mostly because it’s synced up with yours.)
6. How many kids they want — and that they’ve already sounded out their full first and middle names with the last name of the dude they’re currently dating.
7. That they’ve secretly held on to their four favorite Beanie Babies and have them protected (from what? we do not know) in glass cases in the back of their closet.
8. That time her one-night stand peed the couch in his sleep and you were forced to clean it up because you were the only one who was sober and yes, you’re still sort of pissed (pun intended) about it but you love her, so whatever.
9. What scares the living f*ck out of her: spinny rides, dudes with overly-manicured eybrows, getting divorced like her parents did.
10. The reality trash she watches when she requires immediate mindless entertainment.
11. The reality trash she tells people she NEVER watches when confronted about it.
12. The “look” across the room when she needs you to intervene in an god-awful small-talk conversation, STAT.
13. That she prefers men with chest hair because it reminds her of her dad and yes, that fact in and of itself is super-creepy.
14. That she spends more time toning her arms in the gym than any other body parts because “you can Spanx your belly but you can’t Spanx your arms.” (And I mean, she has a point.)
15. The name of her waxing lady and whether she makes her spread the butt cheeks to really “take care of everything.”
16. That she doesn’t like The Sound of Music and for a good few months, you’re all I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE.
17. That she’s stuck with you for basically eternity a) because you genuinely love each other and b) bitch knows too much.