What’s So Wrong With Being Miranda Hobbes?

One way you can tell that a group of friends is truly close is if you have heard them compare themselves to the women of Sex and the City at least once. This is a detrimental conversation for a lot of girls—and some guys—because we all know one thing:

No one wants to be the Miranda.

When someone dubs you the Miranda, you will all sit in silence and avoid actually saying it. You will dole out the other roles, the Carries and the Charlottes and the Samantha fucking Joneses and leave Miranda as the cookie crumbs nobody wants. And being relegated to the Miranda role isn’t like when we used to play Spice Girls as kids and the last person to join had to be Scary Spice. Now, it’ almost always actually, really true. This is the friend who is a bit bland, a bit rough at times, and truly just screams “Miranda.” It will also be evident in the way she says, “Well, I hate you guys,” instead of accepting her title with a grain of salt and a laugh.

If you try to tell me that you’ve never had yourself compared to a character on a television show, I’ll tell you that either you’re lying or that you’ve had it done to you behind your back. We all fall subject to it because it is just too easy.

The way that television shows are made, it should be impossible to choose just a single character to compare yourself to. The thing that makes a character a good one is that they always have at least one thing, no matter how small, that can relate to the audience. Even villains have something about them that makes the viewer not entirely sure if they are really all that bad underneath.

But people insist on identifying with just one character out of the multitudes anyway.

(This goes for plenty of other shows on television today, by the way, and isn’t unique to Sex & the City. I’ve heard people do it with How I Met Your Mother, New Girl, and most recently with GIRLS. Who you say you are says a lot about who you wish you were and tells a lot of people what you think of yourself.)

If someone says she’s “the Carrie” of the group

Well, no one should really ever tell anyone that they think that they’re the Carrie. Other people are supposed to tell you that and then, even though you had been thinking it, even if you have a shrine to her in your room, you are obligated to act surprised. This is because telling someone that you’re the main character is a tad bit selfish when it comes out of your own mouth. It’s like knowing you look hot in a dress that you’re wearing, and running down the street yelling, “Someone call the fire department because this girl is so hot, she’s on fire!” Just let someone compliment you naturally.

Saying you’re the Carrie is like saying, “Hey! Look over here! I think I am a great writer and all around pretty perfect human! I am so interesting that everyone’s story line should revolve around me!” If you are one of these characters, someone will tell you, trust me. Just practice your shocked face until then.

If someone says that you’re the Carrie on the other hand, you’re probably the most creative of the group. Your friends can count on you to grab a drink when they’re feeling down and they feel comfortable sharing things with you. You’re probably also an overthinker and have a pretty steady inner monologue going. You also tend to gloss over your flaws and repackage them as “endearing quirks,” but we won’t judge.

If someone says that she is “the Samantha”

This friend probably considers herself really fun to be around. She thinks that she is doing everyone a favor by being the “brutally honest” friend when, really, sometimes it just means she forgot to turn her filter on. She loves to have a good time (or the idea of a good time) and wants you to think that she is the life of the party even if she usually ends the night crying in the bathroom. Chalk it all up to being a Samantha and you’ll get away with anything.

When someone tells you that you’re the Samantha, that may or may not mean that you’ve slept with a few too many men to count. If you haven’t, then it’s usually just because you’re the extrovert of the group. The good thing about Samantha is that she is always a good time, always there for her girls, and always kicking ass and taking names.

When someone describes themselves as “the Charlotte”

Personally, I think that Charlotte is a stereotypical sorority girl. But this friend may think that she think that she is perfectly perfect in every way and that she belongs in a J.Crew advertisement, or at the very least has her life ” the most together” and will have to claim Charlotte by default. Either way, it kind of makes her look like an overachiever.

But if someone tells you that you’re the Charlotte, you’re probably just the classy one. Sweet as candy, you’re the one who rarely says no to anyone so that you can keep them happy. You’re prone to one or two meltdowns due to spreading yourself too thin, but everyone understands when you do lose your marbles. You’re always good for an unintentional laugh, but mostly you’re the one your friends depend on.

Which leaves “the Miranda”

Let’s be real: no one ever says that they are the Miranda. But when a girl is told that she is, this is what she hears: “You’re annoying, you’re a pessimist, you care too much about work. You’re a party pooper. I hate you. I fast forward through your dialogue any time you come on screen.”

But don’t let this get you down! If you’re the Miranda, well… you’re the most relatable. Let’s be real: Miranda is the woman who ate a piece of cake out of her garbage because she couldn’t stick to a diet. She’s the one who threw out her back and awkwardly had to have Carrie’s boyfriend Aidan come pick her up off of the floor while she was naked. She awkwardly runs into her exes and once hid under a bed to keep Steve’s new girlfriend from seeing her. The one who had a baby unexpectedly and turned out to be a great mom. The one who ended up with her husband because she actually worked at her relationship. She should be every woman’s go to because she is pretty awesome. She has bad haircuts and adult braces and baby weight she can’t shake. She buys a house instead of shoes. She attempts—and, for the most part, succeeds—to “have it all.”

The reason that people love to compare themselves to Carrie or Samantha is because they love to think that their lives are much more interesting than they really are. They enjoy that fantasy world, and that’s in no way a bad thing. But it’s just a fantasy. In reality, we’re all just Miranda, hiding from exes, cheating on our diets and being sassy when we want to be, not because we feel like we have to be. Because we, the Miranda Hobbeses of the world, are real.