Brick by brick;
That’s how I fell apart. Disguised as a fairytale romance, my demise began. We met at an inopportune time; I guess that was the attraction – forbidden love.
Weekend trips to Portland.
Roadtrips to Astoria.
Weekends in the Cascade Mountains.
Getaways in Seattle.
Hours of laughter while hidden away.
Cooking dinner together every night.
Intertwined for hours with no lulls in conversation.
The months flew by. We were counting down for my end of active duty so we could finally be together forever. We survived my deployment and returned to each others’ arms. Obviously, I’d be moving to Nebraska with you to start our life.
We chose a home, decorated, and filled it with our dreams.
Somewhere along the way, the light in your eyes flickered and disintegrated. Somewhere along the way, I became less than you had hoped. Every single day contained lists of criticisms. I could see in your eyes that I would never be enough for you. You began to critique the things you professed your love for in the beginning.
Stone by stone;
That’s how you broke my resolve.
The discontent reverberated through our home. I knew we weren’t happy. Against all odds, I had a naive hope that we would make it through this rough patch.. I knew that somehow I would be enough.
The man whose eyes searched for mine in a room wouldn’t look at me.
The man whose smile lit up my world only scowled.
The kind words of the one for whom my soul longed had disappeared.
The man whose love had torn down my walls had betrayed me.
Fidelity is a concept you will never understand… because your narcissism will never allow for it. Commitment is something you can’t fathom because it involves sacrifice. I loved you with everything I had, but it wasn’t enough.
Of course I blame you, but that has taken me MONTHS.
Piece by piece;
I have started to repair. The moment I left that house — our home — I knew that I would never be the same. I held it together long enough to drive 743 miles… 12 hours.
I am home. I have chosen to surround myself with souls whose love I never have to question. I thought you had destroyed me, but matter can never be destroyed. It can only change forms.