When You Get A Love That You Don’t Deserve

Olga
Olga

I always tell you that I care for you and that I want what’s best for you. And I clearly see that you want the same thing for me. Even after we broke up, you were there for me through the tough times and during the times that I am not the best version of myself. You were there, not out of obligation nor because you wanted me back, but simply because you wanted to help me out during those trying times.

So after a couple of months of being apart, I made a decision to get back together with you. Why? Because I believe that after all you have done for me, you deserve to be happy and you deserve someone that will make you happy. A friend once asked me, “so you think you are the one that will make him happy?” I paused and confidently said, “yes”.

But as time has gone by, even I have started to question myself. Am I really the best for you? Am I the only one capable of making you happy?

I thought keeping us together would make you happy, but then I realized maybe being honest and letting you go would make you happier.

It would definitely suck for a while, but in the long run this would be beneficial for both of us. Especially when you meet someone who’s more deserving of your time and effort. You would probably thank me for letting you go.

I do not deserve any of these: your time, your effort and your love.

You deserve someone who can give back something more than a mediocre love that I can offer. I am with you but I am not fully committed to you and you do not deserve that. I love you but I love myself more. And you do not deserve that.

After all the love and care you gave me, you deserve so much more. You deserve someone who will look at you in the eye and tell you ‘I love you’ and actually mean it. You deserve someone whose first thought in the morning is you and the same thing at the end of the day.

You deserve someone who loves you not because it is convenient or because it is comfortable. Someone who will choose you even at the most inconvenient times and will put you first among other things. And I am not that someone.

I chose to be with you because you were my comfort zone. Because you made me feel safe and loved. You love me so much that you make me wonder if someone else is capable of loving me like the way yo do; it is so selfless and unconditional.

I chose you because I know you will never leave me or even dare hurt me. Our love feels safe and comforting. You see, I love you because I love myself. Because you are the safest option. Because I don’t want to risk. I choose you because it is good for my ego. I get an overwhelming kind love from you and I feel so guilty for giving back so little. I am not ready to give myself to someone- not even to you, because that means giving less for myself.

And you don’t deserve that.

I had more than enough of your love for 7 good years. You have filled me with more than I need and deserve. This time I want to be honest to myself and to you. And I want to stop hurting you, too. I thought being with me would make you happy. I thought I could make you happy. But I was wrong.

Sometimes letting go will make someone happier. If you truly care for someone free them from all your lies, selfishness and mediocre love. If you can’t love them wholeheartedly, just let them go.

If you care for them, let them go. TC mark

More From Thought Catalog

blog comments powered by Disqus