For me, love is going to have to wait

Why the fuck do we always romanticize the idea of being in love in your 20s?

If you’re in a relationship then congratulations because you’re considered to be one of the “lucky ones”. Seemingly we all want to feel wanted by somebody, so we settle for a lukewarm love that we aren’t even sure of just so we feel like our love is tangible. We search and search some more, and to be honest-sometimes we don’t even know what it is that we’re actually searching for.

I’ve finally drawn the conclusion that I am no longer looking for love. Love will come looking for me when we are both ready to find each other.

So for me, love is going to have to wait.

I want to make plans spontaneously and not have to answer to anyone. I want to immerse myself in every stimulating opportunity that’s thrown my way and never feel compelled to defend my choices. I want to meet as many people as humanly possible and harbor new connections for what they are. I want to learn about myself by learning about others. I want to go where I want, when I want, with who I want and if my plans change, I want to be able to change them without anyone else’s approval.

I want to meet a stranger in the middle of nowhere and spend hours chatting about life in a coffee shop. I want to travel to a new country and absorb the culture and eat good food. I want to wake up at 4AM to watch the sunrise from a mountain, just because I can. I want to change someone’s opinion through my words and let them change mine about something I’ve always been indifferent to. I want to make my choices in life based on what I want, not what somebody else wants for me. And I want to be able to do so without judgement or shame.

I see people who are in unfulfilling relationships, and not just romantic ones either. We become acclimated to pleasing others for such a long time that sometimes we forget to please ourselves first. We get in the habit of sacrificing parts of ourselves that make us who we are in order to satisfy another person. For me, I’m not ready to compromise that kind of freedom just yet. At the end of the day, you make the conscious choice to either live life for yourself or live it for somebody else.

So… if a relationship is destined to make me feel complete, then I suppose for now, at least, I’ll keep my glass half empty.

I want to live life to the fullest, for me and only me. And maybe someday for somebody else, but until then, I am going to be fearless, wildly independent, and living life for all it’s meant to, for me.