We all know someone who continuously finds their way back to an ex no matter what they’ve been through in the past. Or, maybe you’re that person, and for some odd reason you just can’t seem to escape the “one who got away”. There’s a certain satisfaction we get from being able to stray away from that special someone in our lives for an extended period of time only to meet again eventually. We thrive off the back and forth chase for one another and neglect to see the bigger picture. Breakups occur for a multitude of reasons. Whether it be a matter of lying, incompatibility, cheating, or whatever the circumstance may be, the relationship was suffering and there’s a rationale as to why it came to an end. The problem with most of us is is that we cling onto people who have hurt us or we have hurt in the past because we figure somehow and someday things could be different.
So…what does an “on-again off-again” relationship actually entail? There are a few important things about this type of relationship that we need to realize in order to be successful in love.
You are who you are, and so is your partner.
You cannot change somebody and morph them into the person you wish they would be. Sometimes the distorted vision we have of somebody may in fact be very deviating from who they actually are. You cannot thrive off of the assumption that maybe someday this person will be different, because ultimately it’s not for you to decide. If that person hasn’t shown you that they’re willing to change then they aren’t going to.
If your partner has done something that is unforgivable, chances are you never really forgive them.
When someone is disloyal it is very likely that the relationship will never be more than what it was prior. You can tell yourself and your partner that you are forgiving of previous mistakes, but there is a reason that the infidelity happened and it is difficult to get past that concept.
The problems you have had in the past will likely become the problems you have now.
Maybe your ex wants to try to “make it work” for the 17th time. Maybe you’re just lonely and miss the comfortability of having someone around at all times. You’ll try, and try again, and maybe even try some more, but indubitably it results in another heartbreak, similar to the previous ones you’ve encountered. The biggest complication is that the initial reason for the break up is still very much there, as much as we try to look past it. The issues from the past will linger in the relationship and eventually resurface- causing the same destruction over and over again. Remember that if you’re going to get back with an ex, make sure you’ve worked through the problems you had in your relationship on your own before jumping back into anything. If you aren’t completely over the past, it is nearly impossible to get anywhere in the future.
So before you jump back into that relationship you were so longing to get out of at one point in time, ask yourself this- Is it really worth it?
There was a reason that things ended in the first place. Sometimes “the one that got away” in fact, got away for a reason, and someday it will make perfect sense as to why.