What You Learn When Someone You Love Lets You Down

Lucy Maude Ellis
Lucy Maude Ellis

When I met you, I knew there was something that made this different from any other interaction and subsequent relationship I have ever had.

I thought it was your eloquent way with words. The way that you were able to articulate yourself so well and share with me things you swore you had never shared with someone before.

I thought it was your vocalized desire to get more out of life. How you spoke of changing this world, being a good person, and righting all the wrongs you had contributed to life in the past.

I thought it was the relatable pain we had both been through. I saw so many parts of myself in you and of you in me. The way you wore your dysfunction on your sleeve, so unashamed of the hand life had dealt you. I thought I had actually met someone who wanted to break a cycle.

Now I know that your purpose in my life was for far more than could have been seen on the surface. It was more than simply teaching me a lesson or helping me rebound from a previous relationship. You were meant to shatter my heart and for that, I want to say thank you.

Thank you for showing me that I’m completely capable of being a girlfriend worth having. I tried more in our relationship than I have ever tried before and I know that I can do it again. But when I do it again, it will be with someone who truly deserves it.

Thank you for saving me from your emotional instability and inability to truly connect with someone. Your sociopathic tendencies were blaringly obvious but I gave you pass after pass, hoping that you’d step up and be the person I thought you wanted to be. You’re not that person, and now I’m not sad to say that I won’t be around to see if it ever actually transpires.

Thank you for letting your actions show me the person you truly are versus the person you try to tell me that you want to be. You can tell me I’m your best friend and how much you love me, how honored you are to be with me, etc. But sleeping with someone else tells me more about how you feel about me than any amount of perfectly placed words could.

Thank you for being honest and admitting that you cheated on me. You could have easily kept your dark, little secret for however long we continued down this completely fabricated path of happiness. The fact that you admitted your wrongdoing proves that you might some day become a person worth knowing. Not for me – but for anyone else who comes across your path.

Thank you for sparing me another minute, day, week, MONTH of wasting my time with you. Your rejection is my protection. It hurts right now, really fucking badly, but you’re ultimately saving me from a greater amount of hurt later on. It’s the only selfless act you’ve contributed to this union.

Thank you for showing me what I deserve by demonstrating what I don’t deserve. I will never again compromise on the non-negotiables of my life to satisfy the non-negotiables of someone else’s. I will never again excuse an unanswered text, the last-minute cancellation of plans or the deep, raw, feeling in my gut when I know something isn’t how it appears.

Thank you for removing yourself from my life and leaving a large, gaping hole that can be filled by someone better. You opened up my heart and I’m not going to let your betrayal close it. It will remain open, honest and waiting for the person who will be everything I thought you were and more. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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