7 Things You Say That Instantly Annoy Your Single Friend

1. “Your time will come!”

God, I hope not any time soon! I’m quite fond of the single life.

2. “Want to go hiking with me and (significant other) this weekend?”

NOPE.

3. “What are your plans for Valentines Day?”

Sitting on my couch in my underwear eating peanut butter for dinner. Just like any other night.

4. “You use Tinder?! That just seems so weird to me!”

Meeting people who a.) live near you, b.) you find attractive and c.) are also single seems weird to you? OK.

Everybody uses Tinder, dude. Ninety-five percent of single 20-27 year olds use Tinder! I made that statistic up, but it has to be close.

5. “OHMYGOSH, you will not BELIEVE what (significant other) did the other day!”

Can we talk about something more interesting? Like, literally, anything else?

6. “You should date this really mediocre acquaintance of mine who also happens to be single!”

There are more than two of us left, dammit!

7. “Why are you single?”

Um, no one likes me?

I like doing things for myself?

I’m horrified of commitment?

I’m in a serious relationship with Chipotle?

Being single is awesome?

I’m not entirely sure, but I am far less concerned about my relationship status than you apparently are.