Local couple Dave Johnson and Mary Day safely averted a collision of their profound differences last night when one of them initiated intimacy.
“We were just about to decide that it wasn’t going to work,” said Mary, “what with our opposing views on nearly everything and just plain lack of respect for each other as people, but he put his face close to mine and thankfully I saw clearly again.”
“It was a close one,” echoed her boyfriend. “I fell out of love with her a long time ago and she wants to move to Paris and live her dream of opening a bakery, but there’s nothing a few minutes making out can’t fix.”
Mary went on to describe how close she was to accepting her admission to culinary school, and thanked Dave for helping her realize that it was stagnation, boredom, condescension, and waning self-worth that she really craved. It was the least he could do, Dave offered, after she graciously robbed him of his best years, trampled his dignity, and spent all his money.
In spite of last night’s close call, Dave and Mary are optimistic about their relationship, and together look forward to many more long winded anniversary posts on Facebook.