Why do people try again when they’ve been hurt over and over? Because we’re hoping it’s going be worth it, that the person is going be worth the hurt.
I used to always jump into new relationships because I thought that was the whole point of it. You meet someone, you fall in love with each other, then if you’re lucky enough, it’ll last. If not, you’ll realize you’re just with the wrong person and break up. Sometimes in good terms, mostly in bad. And after that, you try again, hoping that the next one might be ‘the one.’
I used to think that we didn’t need time to ‘heal’ alone, that we don’t need to be single, because I thought the point of love is to try and try until you find that person. Well, after 3 failed relationships without really experiencing the “single life” (mind you, I’m not even proud. If anything, it just fucked up my reputation and relationships with people), I get it now. I get why they say you need to heal and love yourself first. Because if you don’t and you jump into a new relationship, you bring the same pain along with you. And while you think the pain would just eventually go away, it doesn’t always work that way. Sadly.
2 weeks after my ex broke up with me, I jumped into a new relationship with her. I know it was wrong, obviously. We were both hung over our exes, both just trying to forget the pain. One thing led to another, and before you know it, we were a ‘thing.’ I thought maybe one day I’d just stop feeling the pain, I’d just stop missing her. We lasted for a year and a month.
Yes, there were a lot of good times – we went to so many places and did so many things together, we were happy – but there were a lot of bad times as well. I told her I still wasn’t over my ex from the start, I told her I still missed her, she said she gets it, and that it wasn’t my fault because she did become a part of my life. There were times when I opted to leave, thinking maybe I really need to heal first and that she doesn’t deserve someone who was still getting over her ex, but she would tell me that she loves me so much that she’s willing to go through it with me.
I stayed. I kept staying when I knew deep down, it was time to leave. I stayed because I thought if someone could love me this much and give me this much, I’d eventually give that love back.
My ex chose to leave me, and this person, knowing I was still hung over my ex, still chose me. That counts for something, right? That’s what I thought. Up to this day, I stand by my reasons for the break-up – I was unhappy and I do miss my ex. I had the right to leave. You shouldn’t have to force someone to stay if they aren’t happy and you also don’t have to stay if you aren’t happy. We both deserve better. I never blamed the fact that you cheated for the break-up because I found out about it 2 days after, remember? You can keep telling me otherwise but it won’t matter. I don’t take the break-up against you. I chose myself. And I will keep choosing myself. Not her, not you, but myself.
I can’t stress enough how important self-love is. I learned that the hard way. And for someone who’s still learning to love herself, that’s saying something. Being single is not so bad, you just need to surround yourself with the right people who will remind you that even if you feel alone, you’re not. We don’t need to be in relationships all the time. We don’t need to be in love to feel loved.
There are so many forms of love we can experience without being in a relationship. We shouldn’t jump into new relationships if we aren’t ready. Things take time. Healing takes time. But you have to remember that you are in charge of how long it will take. You decide when it’s time to try again. Even if I still miss my ex, I will not go after her. Not when I’m still like this. She deserves better than this and I know that. I promised myself to stay single until I am fully healed. And to everyone and anyone who’s reading this, you are now a witness to that promise.