As I begin to write part two of the series I have committed to writing, I have to be honest; I don’t know quite where to start.
If you remember from my first post, I have a friend from High School that is in some trouble. Actually, trouble is not even in the realm of the the ocean she is trying not to die in. She is in dire straights. She is facing 52 years in prison for a crime she adamantly denies being involved in.
Where do I start with this post? Do I start by speaking of the craftiness of the state in which she is facing conviction? The way they wear you down…the accused…until you give up. You give up and you take that plea bargain even if you are innocent. Even though a piece of you dies when you do…like you have been violated in the worst human way possible. Just so you can go home and see your children. See the sun. Drive a car. Wake up in a room bigger than an 6×8 cell.
No, I can’t start with that. Instead, I want to start with the unfolding of a relationship. The very relationship this whole case is built on. I want to allow you, the reader to get to know this relationship. As it has been told to me and as I have been able to feel myself. I will remind you from the first post, I am a medium and I am choosing to help my friend get her story out. I am trying to use my gifts to do so. That starts with me, myself, intuiting and seeing what I can about this whole situation. Relationship included. I will attempt to put into writing what I know so that you may come to your own conclusions.
Let’s start with the concept of love. Through the ages, one thing has been constant with the state of love; it is relative. To each and every one of us, we define it in different and unique terms. For some, it is the lust that jolts through your veins and the chemistry you sustain with a person. To others, it is friendship and loyalty and someone to drink a bottle of wine with while you Netflix the night away. To most, it is something we try to make eternal…even though we know by centuries of examples…it is ever changing and not in our grasp to control.
Alicia found herself in a place where one door to love was slowly closing. A love she had spent years hoping would spark again. A love she built her family upon. Yet, every day…she found her self more and more alone. There is nothing worse than feeling alone when you are breathing the same air in a room with that person you love. When you walk into a room and they look at you, but they are not even seeing you. When you haven’t been told you are beautiful, or desirable. When the hunt is over and you have gone from the catch to one step away from a sister in their eyes. Except a sister gets treated better.
So, what do you do when this is the state of your existence? You make friends. You build a social life. You raise your kids. You keep going. It is Aristotle who said “Nature abhors a vacuum.” When there is an empty space, the Universe will conspire to fill it with something new; and so, an innocent day out at the shooting range can be the very day that space collides with the catalyst that jump starts your dying heart. Even if it goes no where, you replay that day…that moment, over and over. To mini jump start your heart throughout the day. Some judge that as wrong. Others as life support.
Instant like. Instant comfort. Of course, attraction. Though not spoken of or delved into. Just talking. Talking between two intelligent and open people. Things tucked away in the heart, never spoken of. Admiration and respect. A silent knowing that something special is there and that knowing is enough.
Until fate, once again throws the dice and two lives come together, once again. Alicia, having an anniversary pass in which her husband forgot entirely about it. Her new friend, Matthew( we will call him for protection sake) was faced with leaving the country to do something that could mean his life would be in danger. Not knowing whether he was coming back dead or alive and Alicia realizing her marriage was not going to wake up out of its coma; propelled them forward to meet up with each other before Matthew was to leave.
That meeting lasted for hours. Hours of talking and laughing. They told each other how they felt. They kissed. Yes, kissed. Most the night actually. Nothing more. That was enough. Both were old school. That is where they were very much a like.
Alicia had already filed for divorce well before they even decided to meet for that night of talking, that led to kissing and connection. In fact, it was her divorce that influenced Matthew to reach out to her and see how she was coping.
Matthew left the county and Alicia focuses on her children. Now, they wait. The stress of distance and danger looming over them. The stress of a divorce, no matter how grounded and desired is enough to overwhelm any one person. Put all of that on top of homeschooling two children, as Alicia was doing, and you have Stress galore. That didn’t destroy the newly budding relationship. Letters after letters helped them stay connected. Old fashioned ways of communicating, again, important to them both.
Matthew made it home. They began spending all their time together. Day in and day out. Both, very affectionate and physical people. They were always touching. Always connected. Took showers together more than a part. They would take trips and instead of flying, opt to drive so they had the time in the car to relax, talk, explore, enjoy. Alicia made him dinner. Saw him to the door every morning for work. Like I said, very old fashioned. Both had their values. Their beliefs. Their passion. Their fierce loyalty.
Were there ups and downs, sure. What relationship doesn’t have them? Fights? Of course, we’re talking love here. Love and hate. Two sides of one coin. Insecurities? Jealousies? I sat and thought about this one…I bet if you took the text messages and voicemails from women and did a case study of them…you would find at least one that would scream “Crazy train”. Isn’t that how emotions are always perceived? Most times at least. Yet, we all have them. We have all lost them. Amplified them. Jumped on that crazy train during an argument or a seemed betrayal.
The years pass…seven days a week they are spending together now. They both maintained ownership of their own homes and depending on the next day’s events…would choose which house to sleep at. They were discussing and making plans…
Fast forward to Alicia being in front of a judge for her bond hearing and the Judge asks what the status of Alicia and Matthew’s relationship was at present, only to hear the Assistant District Attorney answer, “They are no longer together.” That was the first time Alicia heard of it. No longer together. Over 4 1/2 years of knowing each other…
They can’t be together. They are torn a apart by orders and restrictions. They can’t even speak for Alicia to explain a thing or ask him how he feels. Nothing. Just one day, there is love and the next…what did I say earlier of love? It is ever changing and not in our grasp to control.
Oh…did I mention Alicia was 36 years old and Matthew 23 years old when they met?
We will get more into that in part three.