Being a people pleaser is often mentally exhausting, as your decisions and actions are based on what others think. It means your self-worth is dependent on the approval of others, and going out of your way to make others happy can leave you feeling frustrated and unfulfilled.
Today you are going to stop letting other people take advantage of you, so you can focus on your own needs and wants.
Today you are going to stop being a people pleaser – and here is how.
1. Remind yourself that your self-worth isn’t linked to others. It is how you perceive yourself, rather than how others perceive you.
2. Set your own priorities. Sit down and think about what you really want from your life. What are your values and goals? Once you have decided, make sure you think about your own priorities before saying ‘yes’ to someone else.
3. Stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault. People pleasers often apologize when they are not at fault. Before apologizing, ask yourself these questions; is this really my fault? What did I do that was harmful or hurtful to others?
4. Remind yourself that you can’t please everyone. When you make some people happy, you will disappoint others. The main goal is to focus on your own happiness, then the happiness of the people you love.
5. Realize that you can’t control how other people feel. Some people are very pessimistic, and you can’t make them happy – only they can do that. You can spend years doing favors for them before you realize that they will always think that life is harder for them than it is for others.
6. Don’t answer straight away when someone asks for a favor. Say you need to think about it so you have the time to decide if you can actually help them. Ask yourself these questions while you think; do I have time to help? Will this cause me stress?
7. Set time limits when you agree to help others. Say you only have 2 hours free, or that you have plans in the evening.
8. Set boundaries with the people who always ask for favours. Tell them that recently you haven’t had time to focus on yourself as you have been too busy helping others, and that while you love to help you need some you-time.
9. Practise being assertive and saying ‘no’ in the mirror.
10. Don’t make up excuses. You don’t need to defend your decision to say no, and it often gives people the chance to say “Can you help tomorrow, then?”, rather than just accepting your answer.
11. Look at your own insecurities. Do you help other people so that they like you? Do you think other people only value you because you’re helpful and useful?
12. Learn to love and respect yourself for who you are, not for what you do for others. It isn’t selfish to love yourself.
13. Do things that you enjoy when you’re alone. Make choices that make you happy, and do things that you enjoy. This will help you to realize that you are your number one priority.
14. Think of a mantra that you can say to yourself every day. It can be as simple as ‘no’, but other good options include ‘I am my priority, and you are your priority’ and ‘I care about my own needs.’ Good luck!