You can trust me on this subject — after all, I have a lot of experience when it comes to one-sided relationships. I also have spent numerous years as a single woman in between those ultimately unsuccessful attempts at partnership. Here’s what I’ve learned from these trying times: You must grow to love and appreciate yourself on your own so that you stop falling into unsatisfying love affairs that flame out at the first sign of difficulty.
Of course, that’s always easier said than done. Can I tell you that I’ve cracked the code, found eternal self-love, and banished selfish, lazy men from my life? No, I can’t. Sometimes you will think someone is right and they end up not being what you thought they were. People are generally on their best behavior when you first get to know each other. You don’t always see their true selves until later on.
As someone who tries to present myself as I am from the get-go, I find this very frustrating. I’m sure that you do too. You probably take a break from romance, get bored or impatient, decide to try to date, then realize what a pain it is and swear off it again for a while. I’m very familiar with this pattern.
The problem with repeating a cycle like that over and over again is that when you get uncomfortable and feel like you absolutely need to date, that’s most likely when you instead should sit still and delve deeper into your inner workings. There is a reason you feel uncomfortable, and it’s likely that you are realizing truths about yourself that you’d rather not see. Growth is never easy, but discomfort is actually a good sign. It shows you are gaining awareness about who you are and what you need.
You need to sit with yourself and find some insight into why you may be ending up in one-sided relationships over and over again. This isn’t to say it’s all your fault and something is wrong with you. You may simply be subconsciously choosing guys who don’t treat you the way you deserve because of something you haven’t taken time to address yet. It may be something buried in your past that you don’t realize still affects you. Maybe you’ve had a lot of bad luck — that’s also possible, but probably not as likely. It often comes down to not seeing the warning signs someone displays right from the start. This could be because you’re in denial or even because you have not yet learned to recognize what they are.
Whatever it is, you’re better off staying single and working on learning more about yourself. There’s nothing redeeming about dating a person who does not give anything back to the relationship. Why would you stay with someone who isn’t appreciative of you? There are many answers to that question, but it’s time to throw them out. If they don’t contribute equally, you have to say goodbye. Stop making excuses. You’re not helping anyone, and you’re definitely hurting yourself.
If you are not getting the love you deserve from another person, it’s time to finally do what you needed to do from the start — give it to yourself. At least you can rely on yourself when you can’t find that support in someone else. If you build up your own confidence and sense of worth, no one can take that from you. Then maybe, just maybe, you will start recognizing when you aren’t getting what you deserve and have the inner strength to let go of what isn’t good for you.