In my very recent former life, I lived in Los Angeles for 12 years and was single for the last three of those years. Yes, partially by choice, but also because I couldn’t find a decent man who gave me the time of day. I don’t know what it was about that city, but I literally felt like an invisible woman. I suppose there were too many options and the men there didn’t worry about finding someone for a real relationship. I can’t speak for the experience of everyone, but I do know that many of my friends found the dating scene similarly frustrating.
Fast forward to the current moment – I’ve moved to a much smaller community up the coast. The people are nicer. The pace is slower. For the most part, I encounter smiles and kindness everywhere I go. It’s a most welcome change, and though I’ve been here but a short time, I already know I made the correct decision.
That stark contrast has shown itself nowhere more than in my dating life, which transformed quickly and drastically! I no longer dread the much-maligned dating apps – I realized that the problem isn’t the concept itself but how people use and abuse it. I’ve gone on more dates here in a month than I had in an entire year in Los Angeles. The men not only respond, they follow through. They make concrete plans. They’re nice, and respectful, and they actually seem to enjoy my company. They ask to see me again. The sad thing is that I’m so used to the opposite behavior that I’m extremely confused by this sudden difference in attitude.
I suspected that switching to a much smaller dating pool wouldn’t be a problem as long as the people within that pool were of a higher quality, and my instincts proved correct. I really only need one – as long as I can find the right one. I was so sick of wallowing in the misery of feeling completely alone in a city stuffed to the brim with humans. Now I’m a big fish in a smaller pond and I’m absolutely okay with it. I’ve always known that I have qualities deserving of appreciation. I just needed the right audience, the kind of men who value more than a pretty face and a nice ass and a certain number of Instagram followers. I mean, I think I have those things too – except maybe the Instagram followers! What I’m getting at is that I know I have a lot to give, but perhaps not what the men in a city like Los Angeles are looking for – and let’s be real, a lot of them are just looking for casual flings.
I’m reveling in my newfound popularity. This is honestly like nothing I’ve ever experienced in my life, so I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts. I have three second dates lined up in the next three days and a date with a new guy a couple days after. I have to say it’s not so bad being the new girl in town. I feel more myself here, more at ease, and this added sudden rush of male attention doesn’t exactly hurt my confidence.
Maybe I’m attracting better energy because I’m happier. Maybe the men here are simply more grounded, intelligent, interesting and authentic. Who knows? I suspect it’s a combination, and that my life is finally falling into place as it should because I made the right choice in moving. No matter what it may be, I do know that I’m going to roll with it, enjoy it, and allow myself to progress slowly and carefully. I know what I want, I know what I deserve, and I’m thrilled to finally have the opportunity to find it.