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How To Know When To Love Or When To Leave

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Aricka Lewis

Every relationship gets to that point. The point you look at everything you have, everything you could have, and what has come before. You must make the decision of giving it all or taking it all back. This decision should be instantaneous, without a hesitation, without any second guessing or over thinking.

In theory, anyway. I believe this decision will be one of the hardest ones of your life.

As humans, our biological urge is to protect ourselves from danger and the danger of heartbreak is no exception of this rule. Within this, there is a danger of losing what is important for the sake of protecting one person’s own self. Sometimes we should let ourselves be susceptible to the pain. We should embrace the pain of a decision like this.

Why shouldn’t we risk everything, drop every emotional guard and let ourselves risk the notion of a broken heart?

I run from pain, hide from insecurities and would potentially delve into the deepest of oceans to avoid any heartache. 98% of people are the same. If you aren’t, I envy you. To be able to stand tall in the face of gut wrenching, tummy flopping sadness, knowing you risked it and that was worth the cost you endured, would be something I would give anything for.

Do you love him/her?

If you look at their sleeping face and smile uncontrollably, laugh at their terrible puns which to be honest are so terrible that they become funny, or even just feel the need to touch them when you are next to them in the least sexual ways (a hair stroke or a finger trace, the kind of cute things in movies that are completely underrated as what’s important in relationships), then you are still in love with them.

Something as simple as this fact, regardless of problems should still be considered as a vital fact, however never leave it to be the deciding one, sometimes you can love people who just don’t deserve it.

Do they make you happy?

Simple question. How often do you laugh? Smile? Get completely caught up in moments and lose track of time? This isn’t a “Are you 10000% happy?” question as that’s virtually impossible. Just most of your time, both together and apart, do they make you happy, to the point where there are little things that tick you off but for the most part you are blissfully happy within the two of you.

If not, maybe you should consider why, there may be outside factors such as family, work or university/learning based stresses that could be affecting their behaviour. Sit down and talk anything through with them first, they might need some help, before deciding you are more important than them or vice versa.

Can you see a future with them?

It doesn’t matter about the scale. I know some people freak out over the long-term plans, I simply mean can you think about going on holiday with them in June when its April? Or can you take them to dinner with your parents next month? Maybe the grand scheme plans too, can you picture laughing when you’re 80 about the same puns you did when you were just starting? Whatever the scale of a future, if you can see one that’s a good indicator.

However, if you can’t, perhaps you need to consider why this is. If you know you can never see one it may be better to be honest with your partner as the alternative isn’t fair on either of you.

What do they do to annoy you? Can you over-look these things?

Be honest, no one is perfect. He might have great hair and nice abs but maybe he is a little narcissistic. Perhaps she has a cute nose with the perfect number of freckles but sometimes she creates problems from nothing (something I often do, extra big sorry to my boyfriend).

If you are on the fence write a list. Not near them and certainly don’t show them as that can cause more problems. When you write the list do it in a way that ensures you aren’t being offensive, comments like “Is a d***” aren’t going to get you anywhere and certainly will offend your significant other. I don’t advise doing this a lot, only if there are no other options for you left.

There are so many questions to ask, when I reached this impasse I considered such irrelevant questions being the overthinking drama queen that I am and it got me nowhere.

My last word is simply that I chose to love. I was scared, confused, distracted and frankly out of my bloody mind considering dropping every guard I’ve built since the very first time I was hurt, but it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. TC mark

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