I was talking to my girlfriend the other day about sex, and we started talking about what sleeping with someone means for the modern 20-something woman. Since I was born and raised in the bible-belt where you had to leave room for Jesus, I view sleeping with someone a little more conservatively than my northern-bred friend.
“I have no idea how many people I’ve slept with…maybe 20…30?”
“Really, that many?” I said as un-judgementally as possible.
“Yeah who knows…I mean I’ve been sleeping with guys since I was 15 so I’m bound to rack up a number.
This made me think. Why do girls sleep with so many guys? For men this question is simple; they have super high levels of testosterone and think about sex more than food, cars, and sleep combined. Women, on the other hand, generally have low testosterone levels and estrogen-driven smarts, making their decision to sleep with someone a little more weighted (generally). So, why have multiple one-night-stands or constant meaningless sex, ladies? Why not wait for the one that makes it worth it and a thousand times more enjoyable? (Because let’s be real…it can get unpleasant pretty fast.)
Throughout college and into adulthood, I have had this same conversation with countless, exasperated girls. It’s simple; they feel the pressure. They feel the pressure to meet someone, so they go to a bar. They feel the pressure to make a guy happy, in hopes of something more, so they go home with him. They feel the pressure to have sex (because that’s what you’re supposed to do, right?), so they do it. I am constantly amazed at my beautiful friend’s faces when I suggest the forbidden words, “Why didn’t you just say no?”
There is an epidemic of unemotional sex in today’s culture and it’s making women bitter and cynical, with a loss of hope for anything meaningful. Why should women be expected to sleep with someone if they go home with them? Let’s just enjoy each other’s company for once and, hold onto your hats…talk! Or if a girl does want to get a little action in, but doesn’t want to go all the way, why should she feel like there’s no other option for her? I have said it before and I will say (and do) it again and again: you can always say no. You can say no beforehand. You can say no laying naked on his king sized bed (that takes up the entire room, because lets face it…his bed is probably the most important thing to him.) You are in control of your body and mind and you choose how you want to use it. And you know what? He just might be okay with it. He might even respect you more for it. And if he doesn’t, screw him. That guy is the douche bag Neanderthal that your Mom warned you about, so you’re really just saving yourself. Run away before he ruins the “I’ll call you tomorrow” or “you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen” for you.