Trigger warning: abusive relationships
Oh, 17. The age where hormones are unapologetically raging through us, knocking the wind out of our bellies when the right person looks at us and storming us with butterflies when they ask you to go for a walk on the beach. This heart that has been left untouched for far too long is beginning to crave crumbs of love and worthiness. From anyone. And maybe, just maybe, the first person who tries even a little.
Well, that’s exactly what happened to this lady over here.
It’s me, your fellow friend, your ally, here to tell you to walk away from ‘loved ones’ that can only hand you crumbs of love. It’s me, a 22-year-old beautiful human recovering from PTSD after enduring a two-and-a-half year emotionally, sexually, and physically abusive relationship. It’s me, here to remind you that you are the most worthy of healthy love in your world. It’s me, here to show you what healthy, kind love looks like.
I often wish that someone told me what love to accept. That handing my heart to someone is a great privilege and not an expectation. I wish someone had told me that a relationship does not mean ownership. I wish someone had told me the word ‘no’ actually meant something. I wish someone had told me that absolute confusion about my reality was a sign of soiled love. I wish someone had told me that love is not fear.
I often wish this knowledge was mine when I was 17 and untouched. Unharmed. And yet, I also hold heaps of gratitude for all my unknowns, because if it wasn’t for those unknowns, I would have never stopped to think that there are so many other untouched hearts in the world who may never know.
I hope that my voice reaches your ears and touches your heart when I say that you are worthy of kindness. You are already and always have been worthy of goodness. You are always loved. You don’t have to stay with someone who makes you feel small. You have strength, even when you think they have stolen it all. You will survive without them. You will flourish without them. It was never your fault. You never deserved any of their abuse. You have allies who want to hold your hand while you get through this. And most importantly, there is a soul in this universe who will hold your heart with grace, kindness, and respect and acknowledge the privilege it is to have gold in their arms. You deserve to heal from this.
This is for all the untouched hearts.
This is for all the hurting hearts.
This is for all the healing hearts.
Love, the good and kind one, exists in your world already. All you have to do is look to your friends, to your families, and to your communities, even if those relationships slipped underneath this soiled love. I promise you, a hand will reach out to you and say, “I am here. You are safe. Everything will be okay. And I love you.”
I know this because I am living that reality now. My holes are slowly being filled with safe, kind, and good love. Because I looked for it. And it was only then that I realized there was an abundance of it in my universe.
Isn’t it comforting to know you live in that universe too?