I Was Supposed To Forget About You By Now, But I Just Can’t

I want to forget you. Its been almost three whole years. 987 days. That was how long ago we were together. Since the end of us, we hardly got a chance to meet. Even our conversations were limited. In this whole time we’ve met only for a total 6 days spread across two occasions. That’s just a minor 1% since we left college.

The odds of something like that working are pretty slim for certain.

The odds of being connected to each other are very bleak. The odds of being in each other’s minds for that long a time is very low. The chances of forgetting the other and moving onto better things is extremely high here.

Then why is it that with so many odds against us, I still find my feelings for you to occupy a huge part of my heart, mind and existence!

There is a lot of distance and time that’s come between us. I am sure these feelings are only from my side. For you have clearly given me the closure I needed from you. I can’t hold you responsible anymore for my feelings. You gave me the go ahead to move on and let go of this relationship. You were very kind in explaining to me that this is a dead end and that we wanted different things.

I was supposed to forget you. And by god I tried. I tried everything.

Not talking to you, meeting new people, for gods sake I even got engaged to be married to someone else. But why did you, even then occupy so much of my thoughts. I love you even now.

I feel a sense of comfort in knowing that I can love you from a distance. Loving you gives me a boost of power. Loving you makes me feel like I have purpose. It gives me strength. This is the purest form of love. You don’t even need to reciprocate this. You don’t even know that I still feel so strongly for you. How could you, for I haven’t said this in any words to you! You might think I have long forgotten you since I was to marry another.

I hope my love for you is strong enough that you might still believe that its still here with me.

I hope you just know that I still think of you. I still care for you. I derive all my strength in good times and bad from my love for you.

Loving you is what makes me stronger.

I could be confusing surviving the pain of not having you, and misinterpreting that as my strength from loving you. Probably comparing any other bad phase to this. Maybe I get my strength from knowing that if I could survive losing you, I can withstand any other hardship. Losing you may have been the hardest thing I have had to bear, And if even after that I am fine and okay, then I will be okay always no matter what goes on.

And so I am not sure if its loving you or losing you while still being in love with you, that gives me strength. That gives me power. That gives me a zest. That gives me courage. That makes me feel invincible.

I am strong because I love you.