We all develop our self-certified methods to help ourselves but they’re all mostly quite alike in their crux.
1. Let go of communication
You don’t see them, you don’t text them, you don’t speak to them.
However now you’re constantly lurking on their social media pages and so you know exactly where they are, who they’re hanging out with, that new friend they’ve made & if they’ve been working out or piling on the pounds. You know what’s going on even though you’re not communicating anymore.
2. A social media “stalking” ban. No more looking at their posts or their whereabouts.
Now you know bits and pieces from whenever someone else brings them up in a conversation. You’re doing well. You’re learning to let go. But you become more conscious of how many times in a day you think about the relationship you had and how you were.
3. Stop reminiscing your relationship.
You stop trying to connect incidents with them and try to disregard all things that remind you of them. You’re strong & determined and have got yourself on the right path. You stop considering them as yours anymore.
4. You are introduced to someone new.
You are convinced that having gone through all the previous steps to forget “that one”, you’re now ready to begin something new.
Your efforts to forget “that one” were genuine. You have been earnest in putting yourself first and doing everything correctly to move on. Done and dusted with “that one.”
Relationships start, relationships end and new relationships begin.
5. Let go and move on.
You’re not holding onto shreds anymore.
You’re now with someone else. They make you happy, make you feel loved and needed. Your friends & family approve of them too. This is a huge deal since they never thought the same about “that one” and they don’t fail to mention this to you. “You’re doing good now”, “this ones way better”, “you’ve done well this time”.
And with all this being said, after a long period of absence “that one” has popped back in your thoughts. Step 5 seems shaky now.
This time you think of them as an unrequited memory.
You think of them as a could have been. You miss them again. You do the worst thing you could do. You view your new relationship and your new partner as a compromise. You start to consider them as natural sequence of life, as a need to move on, when your heart lays elsewhere. A settlement since you could not get what you wanted. A next best option.
Step 5 no where near accomplished.
You know you’re wrong. Your new partner deserves a fair chance. Maybe you will love them and this time, get back the love you deserve but never received. It isn’t fair to your new partner who does nothing but cherish you. Should you leave?
You are too weak and too scared to end this relationship. You’re now scared to let your friends and family down. You stay since its easy. You build up a false facade of gleaming joy and happiness. You stay so your new partner doesn’t get hurt, you stay so that your friends and families are happy in you doing so, you stay so that you may one day love again, you stay so that “that one” too can move on and be with someone else without guilt. Step 5 still in progress . . .
Its been a few years now. You’re happy for the most part. You are with a loving, caring and respectful partner who you’re promised to spend the rest of your life with. From time to time “that one” crosses your mind. You’ve got used to this now and have learnt to ignore it. You aren’t as deeply affected by their memories anymore.
You may not have let go completely & don’t know when you might or if you ever will, but you hope that MAYBE someday you wont think of them anymore. Till then you let them occupy the little space they hold. And even if they don’t leave, You’re alright. Step 5 can take its time.