We spend our whole lives trying to understand, interact and deal with those who are around us in a way that is both comfortable for us and for them. Establishing smooth and long term connections is something we all have a hard time with because of how complex and different we all are from each other. Mastering human connection and healthy relationships are aspects that one has to constantly work on for as long as they live. Having said that, there are two factors that could make the journey much easier and these are: the capacity to love and fully accept those we meet as they are. When these two factors become embedded in your system, you can begin to truly empower those around you and yourself.
I think many of us know how frustrating it feels when someone constantly tries to fix us and change who we are in an unkind manner. It feels like they don’t accept the person we already are and are unable to love us fully which in turn creates barriers between the two of you. On the other hand, I also think that many of us know how freeing and empowering it is to meet someone who accepts us and fully loves us just the way we are, despite our flaws, and the parts we haven’t truly accepted in ourselves. It is for this reason that we should have a gentle and loving approach when dealing with others, and ourselves. Most people just want to know that the people they have formed a bond with are willing to stay even when all the masks are worn off and all is left is them in their rawest form; when they totally undress their fears, hopes, opinions, behavior, and temperament.
When you choose to accept and love someone despite all the things that upset you and disappoint you about them, you make them feel like they are not less of a person because of their flaws, and that in itself is empowering. You make them feel like they are human, just like everyone else who has flaws and tries to overcome them. You make them feel like they are worth so much more than their shortcomings and bad moments. You make them feel like if they are already loved and accepted at this stage, that perhaps they could even blossom into a more beautiful person and enjoy that transformation with you.
I am not saying that you should not speak up or point out to the people you deal with the things they do that upset you and sadden you. I am saying that you can do that after accepting them as they are first. Just because you want someone to change, there is no guarantee they will so at this point, one either accepts that they might stay this way or one could walk completely away. People feel when they are not accepted from a mile away and when they are constantly reminded of their flaws, it could drastically hamper their growth. That’s why when you do speak up, do it with respect, gently, out of love and with a willingness to work alongside the person as a team to overcome whatever problem you are facing. We all know how hard we can get, therefore we need to remember to be merciful with those around us.
When you choose to forgive, love and accept others, you are not only helping them, you are also helping yourself. You are helping yourself not to carry baggage. You are setting yourself and the person free; free from the frame you are trying to make them fit in. Those who truly try to better themselves know their flaws and try to work on them and perhaps when you accept those you encounter, they would realize that their flaws aren’t always as ugly as they think they are and that there are individuals out there who do love all their details, including their flaws and when they realize that, watch the caterpillar become a butterfly!