I had an(other) anxiety attack at work today. Just a side effect of grieving an epic weekend of drinks, frolicking, naps, and musical theater (these are a few of my favorite things!), then finding myself back on the grind while my happiness grinds to a halt. Factor in some radio silence from a job interview I swear I aced, and my mind snowballed into general helplessness and hopelessness.
I’m too poor for therapy and lack the follow-through to fully hone a drug addiction, so to cope, I decided to give myself a pep talk. Tell myself the things I’d tell someone else in my situation. Now, I’m a wannabe writer/performer toiling as an assistant in Film/TV, so maybe these are only specific to my own brand of self-inflicted torture… but if I can’t help myself, I’m hoping these might help you instead:
1. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
You don’t know their lives. You don’t know how hard they cry at night. Or maybe they don’t, maybe they’re way cheerier than you and don’t even need melatonin* (*a fat blunt) to sleep at night, loser. But that’s the point. You don’t know.
2. Stop Thinking You’re Too Old
Somewhere, an actual old person hates you for thinking that. And somewhere in a spooky graveyard, a bony, rotting hand rises from the grave to smack that old person for thinking they’re too old, because as long as you’re here… you’ve still got a chance.
3. You Can’t Be Both An Unsung Genius And A Talentless Fool
Pick one, or recognize that you’re really somewhere in between. I, for one, choose “talentless fool” and am hoping this article confirms that!
4. Overanalyze Constructively, Not Destructively
I’m never going to be a chill person. I wake up thinking about everything I have to do and I go to bed worrying about everything I never did. But if you’ve devoting precious brain power to dissecting your life, save it for important stuff that helps you get ahead (what you want career-wise, partner-wise, snack-wise), not unimportant stuff that holds you back (like whether writing this is going to make me look preachy and self-involved).
5. Success Takes Time And Luck
I’m not any happier about this fact than you are.
6. Do It Today, Not Tomorrow. There’s More Shit To Do Tomorrow
Example of how I’m failing at this? I submitted this on a Tuesday because I am a charming combination of lazy and fearful.
7. Don’t Say Yes Out Of Obligation.
And don’t say no out of fear.
8. Your Jealousy Will Be The End Of You
After all, “bitter” rhymes with “quitter.” (Fully expecting y’all to be jealous of my sweet rhyme there.)
9. Be Grateful Your Friends Put Up With Your Shit
Remember that you are loved and be prepared to put up with their shit in return.
10. The World Is Full Of People Who Can’t Wait To Tear You Down
So why are you doing it to yourself?