As a young girl, I dreamed of growing breasts and getting my first period, of falling in love and blossoming into a beautiful, mature woman. What they don’t tell you as you fantasize about such things are all of womanhood’s gory details. Perhaps I’m just a whiny, bitter, hormonal female, but I believe we ladies drew the short straw when it comes to life. Let’s take a look at all the shitty things us women have to cope with.
The internal struggle of wanting to have kids but being petrified of actually giving birth. They say the pain’s comparable to squeezing a watermelon out of a lemon—I mean, ouch!
Gaining all that pregnancy weight and having to work your ass off as a new mom to get back to that pre-baby bod.
The pressure of media and society to have that “bikini body”—not all of us are made a size 0!
Being caught in public by your period and having no access to tampons and pads at that time.
Getting up from your chair during your period and feeling that rush of blood that you desperately hope has not leaked all over your cute new skirt.
Waking up to period blood all over your sheets.
Those seven days that always coincide with the one time you are actually offered sex and can’t.
The pressure of society to be a hairless mole rat. I mean, why is hair is deemed so unacceptable? Hairy legs? Nope. Pubic hair? Wax it. Facial hair? There’s no Movember for ladies.
The irritation of maintaining said impeccable hair removal. Bleaches, razors, wax, tweezers, hair-removal cream…the inventory must constantly be stocked.
The confusion between the men that proclaim girls with no makeup are better looking and those who say girls with no makeup look awful. How do we know which we fit into?
The cost of makeup. $50 for a good foundation? A girl’s gotta eat.
The impossible expectations of a tiny body, big breasts, and a huge behind. We can’t have it all!
Having to make such an effort to look acceptable. We sure as hell don’t wake up like this.
The pressure of looking good when going out partying on a cold winter’s night. If I could still look sexy wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, I’d do it. Do you realize how freezing we are in our tiny cocktail dresses?!
Underwear. Bras are uncomfortable and make your nipples itch, and there’s no way I’m enjoying my lacy thong being stuck up my butt all night.
The disgust from others if you fart, burp, or pick your nose. We are all humans!!!
Having to hold in your poop and getting those awful stomach pains because girls don’t do it, right?
Getting an itch down there and having to desperately try to avoid thinking about it. Totally unacceptable for us, but men can itch that shit like there’s no tomorrow.
The struggle between enjoying sex and not wanting to be slut-shamed.
Drunk crying. I swear it’s some female hormone that’s triggered by one too many vodka shots.
Diets. I really just want to binge on a whole tub of ice cream.
NAIL POLISH!!! Why must it always smudge or chip??
The fear of having a weird-looking/weird-smelling vagina.
OK, OK. I’m not saying men don’t have a hard life. But can we just acknowledge female hardships for a moment here? I could have written 50 points on the downfalls of periods alone. Next time you see a fellow female, give her a smile of encouragement for all the womanly battles we face.