Nearly all of my clients would talk to me about their personal or private “normal” lives to one degree or another. I have heard many complaints of what I have come to call “reluctant” sex. This is a position most wives have found themselves in. This double edged sword of spoken and unspoken rules of our culture, dictate that a wife and mother, can not also be a vixen. The two things just don’t mix. I experienced this in my first marriage which lasted for eighteen years. When raising children and being consumed with domestic responsibilities, we women put sex pretty much on the bottom of the list. My first husband and I had very regular sex. With that being said, as I learned more about my sexuality through my second marriage, I was able to look back at the the first marriage with more objectivity and understanding.
I had been under the false assumption that we shared a “good” sex life. As I learned more about my sexuality, I realized that just because we had regular intercourse, it wasn’t a good sex life. We were not intimate with each other, there was no spoken communication between us about sex; we were on what I call “auto pilot”. My approach often in this relationship was to just do it, make him happy, it’s all good. Believe me ladies, this is a very short sighted approach. If this sounds like your marriage, it’s not all good. My intuition had been telling me for years that my first husband was doing “other” things. Of course, like all wives, I also told myself that it was my imagination, and pushed it away, not really wanting to deal with the complicated and somewhat crushing possibility. It was easier to remain quiet and keep my eyes open. Finally the truth was revealed. However, I also now know that as they say “you don’t get caught the first time” you do it. Which had me wondering just how long this behavior on his part had been going on. As I also was to learn in the future, most men live for the adventures that lie outside of their marital bedrooms. My clients had large incomes and many of them travelled for work consistently. For them it was very easy to have women in other cities or even near home to work out their fantasies and fulfill their urges with. It is however, very simple these days for any man to find an outlet due to the internet and the thousands of women offering themselves up, and some of them for nothing at all. If you doubt this, take your blinders off and do some research yourself.
I have heard many similar tales from my clients about their wives, and their problems together. Several of the men that I entertained had stopped even having sex with their wives. Their marriages existed for the family unit and their wives perhaps were relieved to not be physically involved with them for their own reasons. These men were content in compartmentalizing their sex lives with me. No more reluctant sex. No more rejection. No more dissatisfaction. It has been my observation that perhaps many marriages operate quite well in this way.
These men will typically seek out a professional that they feel is “safe.” Safe, meaning that it wouldn’t be nearly as dangerous as getting involved in an affair with a co-worker or a woman in their social circle. That is an almost certain way to get caught, when someone becomes hurt or unhappy with the arrangement.
Most men need to work out what I call their “hunting” behaviors. I understand a lot of this to be a need for conquest and accept it to be a very primal thing. They also get a boost to their self esteem as a man via an uninhibited woman who is willing to try a variety of sexual practices with them, things they have either stopped asking for from their wives, or would never consider asking for in their marital realm.
Almost off of the men I have known in this way, have told me that they get so tired of “being in charge” all the time. Meaning, that they would love to have their wives initiate sex once in awhile. Many of them wished that women could be more assertive, sexually. Ladies your man also likes mystery. I encourage all women to convey a bit of mystery at all times. This along with a confident demeanor, are a few of the biggest turn-ons!
I have had the nearly same conversations with many men that discussed how having a reliable sexual outlet with someone so uninhibited, could make them feel so alive! I had to agree with that, having been on every side of this subject, as a loyal uninformed wife, and then as more informed wife, and then as a completely over informed woman. In both of my marriages, I found myself being cheated on by my husbands. Eventually, I decided that I would turn the game around. It does make you feel very alive, so to speak. In my case, it was my second husband’s idea that I become “one of those girls” he was a driving influence for me in those days. It seemed every time he raised the kink bar, I had to prove I could meet it. By the time he had this idea, I was at the point where I was ready to beat him at his own game. Not the usual way to work it out, but I guess I am not the usual woman.
I also was to learn that as in the case of my second husband, many men just like to have a secret, or a secret life. I didn’t enjoy sneaking around to get my kicks, that is just too nerve wracking. We already had such an unusual relationship, that I decided to implement his idea, just to show him what I could do. I approach anything I am interested in with a very competitive spirit. The sex work business was no different. I learned a lot, I was great at it, and for a while it was satisfying in it’s own way. To say it got very complicated all the way around would be an understatement of massive proportion.